LAUGH LINES
Not So Fast: Actor Jason Priestly was arrested on suspicion of drunk driving after crashing his Porsche into a utility pole and a parked car and injuring his passenger. “His agent says it’s all a misunderstanding. He was just preparing for a role in the life story of Charlie Sheen.” (Mark Wheeler)
Dough Boys: “Christmas retail sales are up sharply this year, according to shopping mall owners. The holiday is all about hope. The nativity scene outside the Beverly Hills courthouse shows six lawyers standing around a car wreck.” (Argus Hamilton)
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The Essential
David Letterman
Top Other Achievements
Claimed by Al Gore
10. Was first human to grow an opposable thumb.
9. Only man in world to sleep with someone named “Tipper.”
7. He invented the dog.
6. While riding bicycle one day, accidentally invented the orgasm.
5. Pulled U.S. out of early ‘90s recession by personally buying 6,000 T-shirts.
4. Starred in CBS situation comedy with Juan Valdez, “Juan for Al, Al for Juan.”
2. Came up with catch phrase, “Don’t go there, girlfriend.”
1. Gave mankind fire.
Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.
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