Bill of Health: “President Clinton announced the creation of a new U.S. task force to help put an end to medical mistakes. Some can reach plague proportions. His own medical mistake wiped out the Democratic majority in Congress in 1994.” (Argus Hamilton)

Seeing Straight: “Ophthalmologists say a tiny, laser-powered microchip stapled to the retina of an eye could some day provide a measure of sight to blind people. The doctors plan to test the concept, once they reach an agreement with the Major League Umpires Assn.” (Jerry Perisho)


The Essential David Letterman

Top Items in Ronald McDonald’s Y2K Bunker

10. Extra bottles of “Pantene for Freaks With Red Plastic Hair.”

9. A 255-gallon drum of fancy ketchup.

8. His “Really Happy Meal” shoe box full of Xanax.

7. To heat bunker, 800-degree cup of McDonald’s coffee.

6. Big stack of “Clown Hustler” magazine.

3. Two chickens and one cow, enough for 50 years worth of McNuggets and burgers.

2. Billions and billions of women to serve him.

1. McCyanide capsules.

Send jokes to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, SoCal Living, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.