Rams Still a Far Cry From a Super Season

A review of Week 15 in the NFL, and although they might be called the Giants, cutting them down to size is no reason to shuffle the 100 greatest sports moments of the century.

“If this doesn’t quiet the critics, who knows?” said St. Louis quarterback Kurt Warner after beating the Giants. “They can continue to doubt us all the way to the Super Bowl if they want.”

That’s all anyone has been waiting for--permission to remain skeptical about the Rams’ chances of going all the way.

REASON 1: THERE’S NO CRYING . . .

. . . in the Super Bowl, which leaves Dick Vermeil out.

Vermeil, one of the nicest and most emotional guys in the game, also says some of the wackiest things, which will make it difficult to deliver that Knute Rockne speech before the big game without everyone cracking up.

“The people of St. Louis deserve something like this,” said Vermeil, presumably because they spent tax money to lure the Rams from Anaheim.

“I went to the grocery store and could not believe the reaction I got, and all I did was get some apple cider,” he said.

Why would anyone go to the grocery store just to buy apple cider?

REASON 2: BEAT SOMEBODY GOOD

The Rams have recorded 12 wins against pushover opponents, among them the lackluster Giants, who have a combined record of 36-77. Not one of those teams has a winning mark.

The two teams on the Rams’ schedule that do have winning records both beat St. Louis. Tennessee and Detroit are a combined 19-9, but neither one is high on anyone’s list to win the Super Bowl.

The Rams will finish the season against two more losers, the Bears and Eagles, before getting a first-round bye in the playoffs. Then they will take on the wild-card survivor with the worst record.

This is stealing the Lombardi Trophy. If the Rams had any respect for themselves, they would petition immediately to jump to the AFC, where it takes something to get to the Super Bowl.

Shoot, Atlanta made it to the Super Bowl last year in the NFC with Chris Chandler at quarterback. And then got pulverized.

REASON 3: AFC DOMINATION

The shift in conference power continues. After 13 consecutive Super Bowl victories for the NFC, the Broncos won the last two for the AFC, and this week the AFC went 6-1 in matchups with the NFC.

The AFC is 36-21 against the NFC this season, matching its best win total--36-16 in 1979--with three more games scheduled against the lesser conference.

The AFC, swiping such NFC coaches as Mike Holmgren, Bill Parcells and Jimmy Johnson, has won the series with the NFC now for four consecutive years.

The Arizona Cardinals, the NFC’s poster team for improvement after making the playoffs a year ago, might have been playoff-bound again had they not had to play so many AFC East Division teams. The Cardinals went 0-4 against AFC East teams, and are 2-13 under Coach Vince Tobin against AFC opponents.

The Rams went 3-1 against AFC opponents this season, mustering everything they had to beat the Bengals, Browns and Ravens.

REASON 4: NO PLACE LIKE DOME

The Rams are the only undefeated team in the NFC at home this season, taking advantage of the unfair edge of playing their games inside.

At the start of the Colt game inside the RCA Dome, for example, a picture of Judy Garland in “The Wizard of Oz” was flashed on the scoreboard, with her saying, “There’s no place like dome.”

And then the sound was cranked up, Tina Turner singing, “Simply the Best,” followed by a scene from the movie “Braveheart” with Mel Gibson leading the charge of warriors in full battle gear and body paint. The theme to “Rocky” followed, threatening the ears, the crowd whipped into a frenzy, and the ball had to be kicked off.

This is known as home-noise domination, and, not counting Monday night’s Green Bay-Minnesota game in the Metrodome, teams that play inside are 30-12, New Orleans’ 2-5 mark preventing that domination from being even greater.

But a word of caution to those planning a victory celebration in downtown St. Louis: No team playing its home games under a dome has won the Super Bowl.

Last season was the first time a dome team even appeared, and it was because Atlanta beat Minnesota, guaranteeing at least one of the dome teams would advance. And then lose to the AFC opponent.

REASON 5: UNLESS IT’S THE COLTS

The Rams really have only one hope of winning the Super Bowl: The chance to play Indianapolis, making Cornelius Bennett their opponent.

Bennett, playing for the Bills, Falcons and Colts, has played on nine division titlists in his 13 years, but his teams have lost in all five Super Bowl appearances.

“I tell the guys all the time, all I do is win championships,” the modest Bennett said. “I haven’t won the Super Bowl, but I damn sure can get you there.”

FIGHTING WORDS

After the Colts had clinched the AFC East title, Phil Richards, working for the Indianapolis Star, wrote, “These surging Indianapolis Colts are wonders. They are a concussive conundrum.”

How many of the Colts could tell you whether that’s a compliment or a criticism?

POP QUIZ

* How old were you when you made your first $14 million?

Indianapolis running back Edgerrin James ran for four yards on the Colts’ next-to-last offensive play and hit the 1,400-yard mark, earning him an additional $1 million in incentive bonuses in his rookie season. He was already being paid $13.775 million.

* How do you know when it’s really not going well?

When a team could finish with the worst record in the NFL, which wins the first pick in the next year’s draft, only to remember it traded that pick to Washington to acquire Ricky Williams.

Hello, Mike Ditka, can it get any worse? Worse than Ricky Williams, who can’t play because he’s injured and the rest of the Saints gaining a total of 11 yards on the ground?

* Is there any thought of Bill Romanowski changing his first name to Orlando?

Officials ejected Ram tackle Orlando Pace for a late hit, and Orlando Brown got the heave-ho in Cleveland after knocking down a referee who had hit him the eye with a penalty flag weighted with BBs.

That’s what you would expect from Romanowski, who spit in the face of San Francisco wide receiver J.J. Stokes two years ago, and who has already paid $27,500 in fines this season for illegal hits.

AND FINALLY . . .

It pays to move in the NFL. Four teams have clinched playoff berths, and three of them are transplants. The fourth, the Jacksonville Jaguars, is an expansion team.

The Rams, Titans and Colts will have the chance this season to make their long-suffering fans in Anaheim, Houston and Baltimore happy.

Maybe that’s what the Chargers should do: move.