The Biggest, the Best . . . the Lists

How should the 1999 television year be remembered? By the numbers, let us list the ways.

Five biggest national stories:

1. JonBenet Ramsey.

2. Bill Clinton’s impeachment hearings.

3. John F. Kennedy Jr.’s death.

4. Tie--Columbine and New York Yankees.

5. Rumors linking New York Yankees and JonBenet Ramsey.

Five biggest local stories:

1. Police pursuit.

2. Police pursuit.

3. Police pursuit.

4. Police pursuit.

5. Police pursuit.

Five likely reasons Matt Drudge wears a hat:

1. Habit.

2. His trademark.

3. Thinks it looks cool.

4. Keeps head warm.

5. Hides the hole.

Five best series:

1. “The Sopranos,” HBO.

2. “Law & Order,” NBC.

3. “Sports Night,” ABC.

4. “Buffy, the Vampire Slayer,” WB.

5. “Beggars and Choosers,” Showtime.

Next five:

6. “Sex and the City,” HBO.

7. “The PJs,” Fox.

8. “NYPD Blue,” ABC.

9. “Frasier,” NBC.

10. “The X-Files,” Fox.

Next five:

11. “Homicide: Life on the Street,” NBC.

12. “Ally McBeal,” Fox.

13. “The West Wing,” NBC.

14. “Any Day Now,” Lifetime.

15. “The Simpsons,” Fox.

Five worst series:

1. “The Chimp Channel,” TBS.

2. “Sally Jessy Raphael,” syndicated.

3. “LAPD: Life on the Beat,” syndicated.

4. “WWF Smackdown!” UPN.

5. “Regis & Kathie Lee,” syndicated.

Five best movies or miniseries:

1. “Second Sight,” PBS’ “Mystery!”

2. “A Rather English Marriage,” PBS’ “Masterpiece Theatre.”

3. “Strange Justice,” Showtime.

4. “A Slight Case of Murder,” A&E.;

5. “Execution of Justice,” Showtime.

Five worst movies or miniseries:

1. “Noah’s Ark,” NBC.

2. “The Magical Legend of the Leprechauns,” NBC.

3. “The ‘60s,” NBC.

4. “Take My Advice: The Ann and Abby Story,” Lifetime.

5. “And the Beat Goes On: The Sonny and Cher Story,” ABC.

Five biggest disappointments:

1. “The Mrs. Bradley Mysteries” starring Diana Rigg, PBS’ “Mystery!”

2. “The Martin Short Show,” KCOP.

3. “Now and Again,” CBS, after the premiere.

4. “Action,” Fox, after the premiere.

5. ABC waiting so long to cancel “Snoops.”

Five biggest tear-jerkers:

1. Barbara Walters, ABC.

2. Monica on “Touched by an Angel,” CBS.

3. Tess on “Touched by an Angel,” CBS.

4. Sally Jessy Raphael, syndicated.

5. Richard Simmons, syndicated.

Five biggest insincere jerks:

1. Sally Jessy Raphael, syndicated.

2. Kathie Lee Gifford, syndicated.

3. Any Democratic spokesperson.

4. Any Republican spokesperson.

5. Any pundit who claims to know who “won” a televised candidate debate.

Five discussion topics related to watching Fox’s “Ally McBeal”:

1. Calista Flockhart is a beanpole.

Please see Rosenberg, F16

2. Why Calista Flockhart is a beanpole.

3. Calista Flockhart’s responses to speculation about why she is a beanpole.

4. The example Calista Flockhart sets by being a beanpole.

5. Is David E. Kelley spreading himself too thin?

Five reasons to suspect a sharp decline in the national IQ:

1. Popularity of “WWF Smackdown!,” UPN.

2. Popularity of “You Want to Be a Millionaire,” ABC.

3. Popularity of “Greed,” Fox.

4. Popularity of Fox mayhem specials.

5. However briefly, Richard Simmons getting his own show.

Five interviewers who never shut up:

1. Charlie Rose. PBS.

2. Bill O’Reilly, Fox News Channel.

3. John Gibson, MSNBC.

4. Jim Gray, NBC Sports.

5. Judge Judy, syndicated.

One excellent reason to watch KNBC, KABC, KTLA, KTTV, KCAL, KCOP, KCET, A&E;, Discovery, ESPN, ESPN2, CNN, Lifetime, MSNBC, Fox News Channel, TBS, USA, TNT, AMC or VH1 at 4 p.m. weekdays:

1. “Women 2 Women,” KCBS.

One excellent reason to not read this column:

1. Too many lists.

Howard Rosenberg’s column appears Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. He can be reached by e-mail at calendar.letters@latimes.com.