LAUGH LINES

Open and Shut Case: “Republican presidential candidate John McCain said that he doesn’t see any reason why an openly gay man couldn’t become president of the United States. And you’ve got to give him credit. I think Clinton has proved that an openly heterosexual president doesn’t always work out for the best either.” (Jay Leno)

Who’s Who: “Woody Allen and Soon-Yi celebrated their second anniversary. Woody doesn’t face the same challenges as you and me. For instance, when shopping for an anniversary card, he has to choose between the ‘special daughter’ or ‘beloved wife’ categories.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Free at Last: California celebrates its second year of smoke-free bars Jan. 1. “The state is well on its way to becoming the first in the nation with smoke-free, drink-free, customer-free environments.” (Cortes)

*

Chris Pina’s Essential Daily List

Pat Buchanan nicknames:

* The Compassionate Fascist

* Speed Racist

* The Rat Pat

* Jar Jar Buchanan

* Loose Cannon Buchanan

* Boutros-Boutros Buchanan

* Puff Bucky

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.