Plus, He Could Teach the Art of the Left Hook

President Clinton was named “the least trusted person to escort somebody’s wife on a business trip” in a year-end survey conducted by StarStock.com (https://www.starstock.com), a Web site that “sells” fantasy shares in celebrities.

That came as no surprise, but we were shocked that the more than 1,000 people queried selected Jerry Springer as the person they would most trust to talk about sex with their children for the first time. We, on the other hand, would nominate Springer for our in-house “person with the most warped sense of reality” award.

Or maybe we should reserve that honor for those who participated in the survey. They chose Howard Stern as the television host they’d most likely ask for marital advice. Didn’t the shock jock and his wife just separate?

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Feeling a bit bloated after Hoovering that entire Yule log solo? The January issue of Boating magazine may make you feel better. The mag’s annual “Swimsuits of the Rich and Clueless” photo spread features unflattering shots of swimsuit-clad celebrities. Some of our favorites: Jack Nicholson’s love handles, David Spade’s concave chest and a stick-thin Tori Spelling. Someone get that girl a cheeseburger!

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Denzel Washington has donated $5 million to L.A.’s West Angeles Church of God in Christ. Washington is a member of the congregation, as is Magic Johnson, who has also pledged $5 million.

The money will put a dent in the $40 million needed for construction of a new church complex on the corner of Exposition and Crenshaw boulevards that will include a 5,000-seat sanctuary, two chapels, an 800-seat dining room, executive offices, prayer rooms and a Bible college.

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Former gossip journalist Baird Jones e-mailed about a club in London called Pop, which has urinals for women called “Lady P’s.”

We discovered a company in our own backyard that makes a similar gizmo. Sani-fem, in Downey, makes a cone-shaped portable contraption that women can use while standing, sitting, even lying down, according to its Web site, https://www.freshette.com.

“We direct our sales to the active outdoor gal,” company President Marvin Ivie told us, “and we also have medical units.”

Sani-fem has sold about 10,000 female urinals. “Gals who use it swear by it,” said Ivie.

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After a virtual white-out in beauty and fashion in recent seasons, black is back--at least in cosmetics.

Models at Alexander McQueen’s spring fashion show were photographed with black fingernails, and Gwyneth Paltrow wore an ebony shade on hers for the New York premiere of “The Talented Mr. Ripley.”

Those who want to experiment with this hard-edged look may want to check out MAC Cosmetics’ nail polishes “Blackout,” “Blacktop” and “Black and Blue,” as well as black body glitter.

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At the top of Forbes magazine’s annual list of the most idiotic business ideas of the year is “Pet Music.” The $20 three-CD set promises to soothe pet separation anxiety with the sounds of “Sunday in the Park” and “Peaceful Playground.” Forbes says 50,000 people have ordered the set.

Finalthoughts.com (https://www.finalthoughts.com) was also awarded the title. The dot-com lets users compose e-mail that will be sent to loved ones after the writer dies. Obviously, since the user won’t be around, the sender must have a “guardian angel” contact the Web site when D-Day comes.

Revengeunlimited.com (https://www.revengeunlimited.com) was also highlighted as one of the year’s worst business ideas, but we think it sounds kind of interesting. Founded by Michael Baumgartner, the site can send dead roses, personalized tombstones or melted chocolates to the object of your wrath for between $20 and $60.

Hmm. Perhaps Rob Wherry, who wrote the Forbes story, should be wary of suspicious packages.

Booth Moore can be reached at booth.moore@latimes.com.