LAUGH LINES

The Force Is With Him: Dan Quayle is running for president. “You think Quayle’s qualified to be our next president? I mean, here’s a guy who thinks that Y2K is a character from the new ‘Star Wars’ movie.” (Andrew Wisot)

Scope of the Pope: Missouri’s governor commuted the sentence of a prisoner on Death Row to life in prison after Pope John Paul II pleaded for mercy. “Now if we could only get the pope to work on the House Republican managers.” (Joshua Sostrin)

Hard Sell: Ford is buying Volvo’s automobile division. “If even Ford buys Volvo, why should we buy Ford?” (Daily Scoop)

Grave Situation: People who prepaid for headstones already engraved with 19-- may face their own Y2K problem if they live into the next millennium. “Dr. Kevorkian said he’d be happy to knock them off this year, thus killing two birds with one precarved stone.” (Sostrin)

Silly Season: The French master teacher of mimes died in Paris. “In his honor, officials have asked citizens to observe a moment of noise.” (Russ Myers)

Tuning Up: Jay Leno will be doing a column for Popular Mechanics magazine. “Meanwhile, Mr. Goodwrench will be headlining at the Improv.” (Daily Scoop)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.