Is Singing Cowboy Looking for His Lady Godiva?

“This is John Robert Burke, the naked cowboy,” began the message on my answering machine. “I’m in town for a couple of days on a tour across the United States. I sing and play guitar in my underwear, cowboy boots and hat.”

He left a pager number. I got it wrong evidently and was unable to contact him, which is a shame. I was itching to ask him whether he keeps his pager in his hat or in his boots.

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TRIBUTE IN WORDS: The artist with an exhibit at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art is so big he inspired a verb in the 1997 movie “When the Cat’s Away.” A character mentions a friend who “Van Goghed” her on the telephone. You know, talked her ear off.

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YOU CAN’T FIND CITY HALL: The workers in L.A.’s landmark building, now undergoing renovation, were moved across the street to City Hall East, which was temporarily designated “City Hall” by an act of the City Council.

That’s fine, except Tom Bratter of West L.A. found a map (see accompanying) that has negated the council’s action, having placed City Hall a couple of blocks south on Spring Street, where I park--near the Times Building. I knew I’d rule this city some day.

Of course, the map also reversed Main and Spring streets. And who published the map? Why, the MTA. Next stop: Confusion!

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ON THE THIRD DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS--LIGHTS OUT! It seemed like a unique conservation measure. The president of a local homeowners association told talk show host Phil Hendrie on KFI-AM (640) that she was empowered to phone Edison if any members left their Christmas lights up after Dec. 27.

Edison would then take steps to plunge the offending homeowners into darkness. Sounded like a good idea to me, but several enraged listeners called to condemn the policy.

Little did they realize it was another spoof by the rascally Hendrie, who likes to conduct fake discussions on his program to stir up the listeners. Hendrie supplies the voice for some or all of the participants. Heck, he may be writing this column right now.

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SECOND ACT: I’ve driven by the Two Umbrellas Cafe in Long Beach several times (see photo). But no matter how much I study its old sign, I can’t figure out what the previous business there was. A clever case of concealment.

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UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT: The Sylmar Coordinating Council scheduled a meeting aimed at getting folks involved in that community. Site of the session: a restaurant in Northridge.

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BIRD’S THE WORD: The “Dirty Bird” dance of fans of the Super Bowl-bound Atlanta Falcons brings to mind the late comic George Gobel. When Lonesome George was surprised about something, as he frequently was, he’d invariably declare, “Well, I’ll be a dirty bird.”

No one was more surprised than Gobel the time that Richard Nixon walked into Lakeside Country Club in Toluca Lake after a round of golf and suggested that he and the comic have a drink. Gobel nearly turned him down, but not for political reasons. He didn’t think that his long-suffering wife, Alice, would believe he was cocktailing with the president of the United States.

So Nixon phoned Mrs. Gobel himself to secure permission. And Mrs. Gobel didn’t call Mr. Gobel a dirty anything.

miscelLAny:

Barry Stone, Pat Donahue and several other readers informed me that Tuesday’s misceLAny item was incomplete. The recipe for the honeymoon salad is not only “Lettuce Alone” but also “Without Dressing.” I’m sure the naked cowboy would concur.

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Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.