Well, L.A. Has a Lot of Fakes

Angie Strauss of Malibu found a class that would come in handy for those who have to deal with Hollywood types. The class offers instruction in “phonies.” (see accompanying).

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A DRIVING FORCE: The Times article about Alhambra rerouting its traffic in the vicinity of the Long Beach Freeway’s northern terminus gave George Shearer an idea for a slogan for the San Gabriel Valley.

“We’ve seen commercials advertise that some businesses are in the vicinity of certain freeways,” he began. “How about ‘San Gabriel Valley: Where the 210 and 710 DON’T Meet!’ ”

He added that “the eternal optimists in Alhambra who are in favor of extension of the freeway could just add the word ‘. . . Yet.’ ”

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HIDDEN MESSAGE? James Wasmer came across a shopping complex that had a series of lettered “utility” rooms. Something about the “F” room caught his eye (see photo).

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WHAT YOU ALWAYS SUSPECTED: “Be careful about anything you treasure--the government could tax you for it,” quipped Ray Corey of Canyon Country, when he noticed one agency’s letterhead (See accompanying).

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ANNALS OF EARLY VALLEY HUMOR: Rick Rofman of Van Nuys heard a 1947 radio comedy whose plot involved entertainer Eddie Cantor driving from Hollywood to Fresno State College to receive an honorary degree.

Before leaving for Fresno, Cantor is given these directions over the phone by the dean: “After you’ve been on the road a bit, stop at the Van Nuys Coffee Shop for a snack. That’s in Van Nuys, you know.”

Cantor: “But I won’t be hungry that soon.”

Dean: “Well, go straight on through to Bakersfield. When you get there, turn around and go back to Van Nuys. When you get there you’ll be good and hungry.”

Bet it got a laugh in Reseda.

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OOH L.A. L.A.: I mentioned that historian Ralph Shaffer has collected interesting 19th century letters to the editor of the L.A. Times at www.csupomona.edu/~reshaffer on Cal Poly Pomona’s Web site. One annotated section amounts to a short course on the history of legal prostitution in the City of (some) Angels.

And, as Shaffer points out, the letters show that the NIMBY--Not In My Backyard--spirit flourished back then, too.

* 1853: Shipload of prostitutes arrives from San Francisco. They settle in Plaza area north of 1st Street.

* 1874: Brothels prohibited north of 1st Street within the business district. [Who can get any work done?]

* 1882: Prostitutes removed from Los Angeles Street. They move to Buena Vista [Spring], Broadway, Alameda and New High streets.

* 1883: Buena Vista residents petition City Council to remove “soiled doves” from their street.

* 1888: Letter writer who proposes relocation of brothels from Alameda Street to New High brings protest from New High resident.

* 1897: “Souvenir Sporting Guide,” distributed to visitors by unknown individuals during the city’s annual flower festival, includes ads for such brothels as Madame Van (327 1/2 New High Street), the Little Brick (435 N. Alameda) and Madame Wier (312 N. Alameda).

* 1909: L.A. Mayor A.C. Harper resigns after charges he frequented brothels (he claimed he was investigating vice). Prostitution is outlawed. The best known madam moves to San Francisco.

miscelLAny:

Remember when egomaniacal San Diego officials used to call their burg “America’s Finest City”? Now a freeway billboard for San Diego in the South Bay area says: “Don’t Hate Us Because We’re Beautiful.” I don’t hate you, San Diego. I don’t think about you enough to hate you.

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Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.