TBS’ ‘Silent Predators’ Rattles Only the Nerves

Deadly cliches plague the much-too-serious “Silent Predators,” a TBS original movie about a Southern California suburb invaded by super rattlesnakes.

With shock-master John Carpenter’s name in the writing credits, you’d expect a little wit and originality from the creator of “Halloween” and “Escape From New York.” But here when the venom flows, director Noel Nosseck lets the fun drain away.

We arrive in the fast-growing and fictional San Catalano, where the townsfolk are welcoming new fire chief Vic Rondelli (Harry Hamlin of “L.A. Law”). A pair of lustful teenagers promptly steal away from a community picnic and into the woods, and something lethal joins their te^te-a-te^te. Festering outside of town is a hybrid breed of unusually long, ill-tempered reptiles, and they’re perturbed about all the new construction.

With this to worry about, Vic’s deeply furrowed brow gives him little time to exchange more than meaningful glances with Mandy Stratford (Shannon Sturges of “Savannah”), the perky but ultimately overly hysterical star salesperson employed by greedy developer Max Farrington, portrayed quite entertainingly by veteran character actor Jack Scalia (“Fear City”).

Unwilling to scare away profits, Farrington tries to keep the whole unpleasant affair under wraps, even as the snakes grimly go about their business. Eventually the toll mounts, spurring the residents to pile their belongings into minivans and clog the roads out of town.

Along the way, we endure herpetology lectures from a scientist (Phillip Troy Linger) and ruminations about nature’s balance from a pet-shop owner played by ex-child star Patty McCormack (“The Bad Seed”)--who deftly steals a scene at a civil defense meeting.

The script--the serpents, somebody says, will “attack first and ask questions later”--is frequently wince-inducing, but it’s not the only distraction. Hamlin’s rugged 5 o’clock shadow at times looks as if it came from Red Skelton’s makeup kit labeled “Freddy the Freeloader.” And the soundtrack is mixed with clumsily intrusive rattling effects that only underscore the strained melodramatics.

Other than myriad plot holes, the closest thing to comic relief are feeble references to Vic’s fear of spiders. And this in a movie filmed in Australia, where a couple of shots of kangaroos hopping around in the background could have given the picture a much-needed lift.

* “Silent Predators” airs at 8 p.m. Sunday on TBS. The network has rated it TV-PG (may be unsuitable for young children).