LAUGH LINES

Life Imitates Art: President Clinton says he wants high school students to attend school longer. “I think he got the idea from ‘Beverly Hills, 90210.’ ” (Steve Voldseth)

Doggone It: Bob Dole’s dog, Leader, died. “When Elizabeth Dole found him, she yelled, ‘The little guy won’t get up,’ so Bob ran for the Viagra.” (Bill Williams)

Up North: In the field under construction where the San Francisco Giants will play, 18,000 cubic yards of toxic soil have been found. “San Franciscans have a name for such a vast amount of toxic soil: Oakland.” (Jerry Perisho)

College Cutup: An infertile couple who offered $50,000 to female Harvard students to donate eggs has received 200 responses. “That’s understandable. At Harvard, $50,000 will pay for a whole semester’s tuition.” (Allan Jay Weiss)

*

The Essential David Letterman

Signs Maury Povich has been cursed by a mummy:

9. He bet $10,000 the Bulls would four-peat.

8. Keeps getting to the phone the second the caller hangs up.

6. Only work he can find is on Fox.

4. Only guest he can get on his show is Steve Guttenberg.

3. Connie is charging extra to pretend she’s his wife.

2. He’s Maury Povich--isn’t that curse enough?

1. Just look at his hair.

Send us a line: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.