Some Modest Proposals for Assuring Dow 10,000

With tongue planted firmly in cheek, here are a few suggestions for Dow Jones & Co. if it wants to assure the Dow industrials will top 10,000 soon and keep going:

* Offer giveaways: Free gas fill-ups with purchase of Dow stocks Exxon or Chevron; extra-large smile from Doris, Wal-Mart store “greeter,” with purchase of Wal-Mart stock.

* Sponsor fun investor game: First investor who buys all 30 Dow stocks by noon Monday is “it.”

* Play on national pride with new ad campaign: “Dow 10,000 Means We’re No. 1!”

* Demand that Dow members J.P. Morgan and Citigroup offer 2% credit card financing for any Dow stock purchase.

* Substitute America Online and Yahoo for Dow members Union Carbide and Goodyear for a few hours; don’t tell anyone.

* Better yet: Just rename index Dow.com.