LAUGH LINES

Easy for Him to Say: President Clinton visited American forces in Germany last week. “He reassured them that he won’t be sending ground troops into Yugoslavia and also that he never inhaled, dodged the draft or had sex with Monica Lewinsky.” (Craig Kilborn)

Ready, Aim, Fire: NATO airstrikes reportedly left 70% of Yugoslavia in the dark. “That’s a classic Clinton strategy: First, you dim the lights, then you make your move.” (Jay Leno)

Smell That?: World Championship Wrestling is coming out with a cologne. “It actually doesn’t smell like anything. You just pretend it really stinks.” (Alex Kaseberg)

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The Essential David Letterman

Least popular shows on the Discovery channel:

10. “Squirrels--Satan’s Secret Army!”

4. “Wildflowers of the Antarctic: We Got There, There Weren’t Any, but We Made a Show About It Anyway.”

3. “Ancient Mysteries: Why Is Dr. Joyce Brothers Famous?”

2. “National Geographic’s Stark Naked Fat Guys at the Beach.”

1. “Stuff That Was Too Boring for PBS.”

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