Surviving Cancer

As a cancer patient faced with uncertainty, I want to pass along some thoughts to those who are faced with a catastrophic or debilitating illness, as well as to their family and friends.

So many of us are faced with finding the right words to say at the time when we learn of a loved one’s challenges. The truth is, we never know what to say and so we may say things we think the other person wants to hear.

Here are some suggestions of things to do:

* Call or visit your friend and tell them you are there for them--but only if you really mean it.

* Offer to help in whatever way they need, understanding that your friend may not need any help right away.

* Send a card or letter from time to time just to tell your friend that you are thinking of them. It is a great pick-me-up.

* Be an ear or shoulder to your friend even if it means getting calls at 3 a.m.

Here are some things not to do:

* Don’t offer or promise something you don’t mean or can’t follow through on.

* Don’t say, “I’ll call you,” if you don’t intend to call.

* If the person is really your friend or loved one, don’t ignore him or her just because you don’t know how to act or what to say. Your actions speak louder than words, and sometimes just sitting together in silence is enough to comfort each other.

* Don’t wait until it is too late and then say, “I should have . . . .”

Let me share a poem that was given to me a couple of years ago that others might enjoy reading and sharing themselves:

What Cancer Cannot Do

Cancer is so limited.

It cannot cripple love.

It cannot shatter hope.

It cannot corrode faith.

It cannot destroy peace.

It cannot kill friendship.

It cannot suppress memories.

It cannot silence courage.

It cannot invade the soul.

It cannot steal eternal life.

It cannot conquer the spirit.

VICTOR ORDONEZ Jr.

Oxnard