No, But I Play One on TV

THE PREMISE: Legal Aid Foundation of Los Angeles’ 70th Anniversary Gala at the Beverly Hilton, honoring David E. Kelley for raising public awareness of social issues and the justice system.

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THE ARGUMENT: A roomful of attorneys eating chicken and making speeches--who’s going to want to go to that? Well, create an Access to Justice award, give it to producer/writer David E. Kelley--to 1999 what Chris Carter was to 1997--and the bash is a smash. Dylan McDermott signs on as emcee. “So this is what lawyers are supposed to look like,” he cracks from the podium. Vonda Shepard, the voice behind the “Ally McBeal” theme song, gets the room up and clapping when she sings her signature tune. And in the final hour, Camryn Manheim agrees to take on the charity auctioneer duties. “I just made an executive decision,” she announces, selling off two TV walk-on roles, instead of one, netting the organization an extra $2,600. (All told, Legal Aid, which provides the poor with access to attorney services, grosses $325,000.) Kelley, who along with wife Michelle Pfeiffer cut out on the premiere of “The Story of Us” to be here, keeps his speech short and self-effacing. “The worst thing about honoring anybody from the entertainment industry is that they have nothing profound to say,” he says, recalling a line he once heard at a fund-raising meeting. “The difference with David Kelley is that he knows this.”

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THE VERDICT: “It was made perfectly clear that we didn’t have to attend,” says Manheim, who isn’t surprised at the massive turnout of “Practice” and “McBeal” actors. “We do it because we love David and we love each other, and it also ties into what we’re doing on television.” A banquet room full of hotshot attorneys, actors who play them and USC law professor Susan Estrich, who spends a lot of time as a commentator on TV, makes for a pretty decent mixer, actually. “I’m too old to be Ally McBeal,” says Estrich. “I think I would be her former law professor, telling her to eat something, set a better example for these young women.” Those preferring “McBeal” were in the minority. “Every attorney that I’ve met tonight has said, ‘I like your show, but I prefer ‘The Practice,’ ” says Portia de Rossi. “I guess I would, too, for serious legal issues. We like the juicy ones--the sexual harassment stuff.”

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CELEB QUOTIENT: Most of the cast from TV’s best-loved lawyer shows. No objections here. *

WOW FACTOR: Mildly diverting “Practice” and “McBeal” montage, but it’s Manheim’s unorthodox auctioneering that delivers both comedy and cash. *

CHOW LINE: Unoffensive chicken and veggie dinner with wine and water included, but $4 for soft drinks is cause for contempt.