TOP 25 / COLLEGE BASKETBALL

1. Florida: Spurrier attends hoops practice hoping to pick up fastbreak pointers.

2. Michigan State: Don’t bother to watch until Mateen Cleaves returns from injury.

3. North Carolina: One more loss to Weber State and we hear Dean’s coming back.

4. Connecticut: School hires interpreter to translate marble-mouth Coach Jim Calhoun.

5. Temple: Chaney’s last shot at a national title until, OK, next season.

6. Cincinnati: Huggins prepares for season by screaming at his mailman.

7. Auburn: Tigers assign a bellhop to keep eye on forward Chris Porter.

8. Ohio State: Scoonie Penn copyrights name just before cookie company.

9. UCLA: Joe Namath wants to know how Gadzuric’s knees are holding up.

10. Stanford: Looks like their Sears Cup will runneth over again.

11. Arizona: Even with frosh Jason Gardner, Wildcats may be rough around the hedges.

12. DePaul: Hasn’t been this much excitement in town since Ray Meyer did the cancan.

13. Duke: Coach K assigns name tags until he learns names of new players.

14. Utah: What has Majerus been chewing when he says this season’s team won’t be as good?

15. Syracuse: Boeheim may be primed for another Final Four run. Oh, joy.

16. St. John’s: It’s best not to get cutesy with Red Storm guard Bootsy (Thornton).

17. Gonzaga: Officially disqualified from “Cinderella” status with top-25 ranking.

18. Purdue: When Gene closes practice, it’s Keady bar the door.

19. Tennessee: If Volunteers struggle early, look for Pat Summitt to take over.

20. Kansas: Jayhawks stand half a 7-foot chance with Chenowith.

21. Illinois: That three-game run in the Big Ten tournament last season was a warning shot.

22. Kentucky: After dominating the late ‘90s, school decides to take season off.

23. Maryland: For Terps, it’s Terence Moore and a lot less.

24. Oregon: Duck fans hoping Ernie Kent is Clark Kent.

25. Indiana: Knight tells players, “Don’t fire till you see the whites of their eyes.”