LAUGH LINES

Hotel Wrecker?: “There’s a report in one of the tabloids that Jean-Claude Van Damme recently tore up a penthouse room in a posh London hotel. One eyewitness said Van Damme was acting like a wild man, which marked the first time the words ‘Van Damme’ and ‘acting’ have been used in the same sentence.” (Ira Lawson)

Oops: “Pokemon” is doing well in theaters, and Burger King eateries have been overwhelmed by demand for the promotional items. “In a related story out of Ohio, a 9-year-old boy was so excited to get into his Burger King bag and get his Pokemon toy, he accidentally ingested some of the food.” (Mark Wheeler)

He Lives: “Producers confirm that Hercules will not be killed off in the finale of the Kevin Sorbo series. Instead we’ll find out that all his adventures were just the dreams of a Chicago psychiatrist named Bob.” (Daily Scoop)

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The Essential David Letterman

Top Headless Horseman

Pet Peeves

9. People who use your neck opening as an umbrella stand.

8. Drugstore won’t give you half off on Head and Shoulders.

6. People selling what they claim to be your head on EBay.

1. Jerks who yell, “Heads up!”

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.