Working Together

A 2-year-old helping set the table, scrubbing vegetables or tossing a salad? Yes. The tiniest of hands can be big help around the house. And the little one can learn valuable life lessons.

But while most adults understand the upside of having the kids feed Fido and pick up their toys, studies show that time-crunched parents find it faster and easier to do it themselves. Others--especially parents who work outside of the home--are reluctant to saddle the kids with work. Then there are the parents who are unhappy when completed chores don’t meet their standards.

Elizabeth Crary has seen it all in her 24 years as a parent educator and author of parenting books, including “Pick Up Your Socks . . . and Other Skills Growing Kids Need” (Parenting Press Inc. , 1990, $14.95).

But she says one thing is consistent: Children like responsibility, and chores build self-esteem and provide valuable life skills.

But how to get kids to work without a fight? Guidance, patience and a little time investment can yield amazing dividends, Crary says.

“We are living in more and more of an instant world,” she says. “We’ve got instant mail, instant breakfast, instant everything. Parents are expecting children to be instant too, and children just take time.”

Crary recommends parents evaluate their children’s readiness for chores and then help them out with them if needed.

“If you demand more from them than they are ready for it could backfire,” she says, hurting their self-esteem.

Keep it light, simple and fun for best results.

Linda and Ty Hatfield have a trick to getting chores done around their Lake Forest household. It’s called a “job wheel”--a circular list of household jobs.

It starts with a Sunday evening meeting in which everyone in the family of five participates, and jobs rotate. Recently, daughter Kelly, 6, performed coach and team spirit duties for the week. Kari, 8, was the greenskeeper and newspaper girl.

Kristen, 10, was housekeeper and librarian; Linda and Ty shared host responsibilities of retrieving items for others during dinner as well as veterinarian chores.

“We’re on the job wheel too,” says Linda, a former educator and current stay-at-home mother. “That’s the most important thing--that you’re willing to do the same chores the kids are.”

Each chore comes with a perk: the newspaper girl gets to ride shotgun in the family van during carpool; the hostess rings a dinner bell at chow time; and the librarian decides on a video for family entertainment.

“There are chores and jobs we have to do to keep the house going, but it can be fun too,” Linda says.

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To keep it fun, each gets a rag doll--decked out with miniature items depicting their chore for the week. The dolls serve as a reminder, but there is the occasional slip-up.

The Hatfield girls remember when their dad--a lieutenant with the Long Beach Police Department-- forgot he was veterinarian for the week and neglected to fill Lucky’s dog bowl. The coach--who keeps tabs on everyone’s work--had to give dad a friendly gentle reminder.

“Being the coach is fun,” says Kristen, “because usually it’s parents that have to remind us instead of us reminding them.”

Kelly says she dreads being the maid, who is charged with putting away books and games, keeping bathrooms stocked with toilet paper, and reminding family members to brush their teeth.

Since they started with the job wheel last spring, Linda says, she sees a difference in how the kids get along with each other.

“I think of it as a learning and teaching process,” says Linda, not about how well the kids perform their chores.

Linda and Ty Hatfield teach two-hour parenting workshops and five-week classes through their business “Parenting from the Heart.”

Kelly and Greg Hinkson of Irvine recently attended one of the Hatfields’ five-week parenting courses at the Saddleback Valley YMCA in Mission Viejo and started a Job Wheel with their children, Daniel, 10, Chelsea, 6, and Emily 1. They use Beanie Babies as reminders instead of rag dolls.

Some of the Hinkson family jobs include taking out the trash, bringing in the mail, and loading and unloading the dishwasher.

The kids were so excited by the job wheel, Kelly says, that they were asking to wash dishes when none were dirty.

“They’re all more cooperative now,” Kelly Hinkson says. “There’s a happier environment at home.”

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Kelly says the distribution of work has given her children--especially Daniel--a greater sense of power. And she’s refereeing fewer fights among the kids, who have found time to get their three chores done each week, even Daniel, who has a busy day of school, football practice and Boy Scouts.

The key to a successful job wheel is that it’s tailored to fit the needs of the family.

“This is Team Hatfield . . . [not] an authoritarian state or a dictatorship,” Linda says. “I feel like I’m parenting my children now. I feel connected with them, and that’s where it’s at.”

For more information or to sign up for two-hour workshops ($20 per person or $30 a couple) or for five-week parenting courses ($150 per person or $225 a couple) or to purchase a job wheel ($6) or job doll ($5), call (949) 583-1778 or e-mail parentingheart@earthlink.net.

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Tasks Children Can Do to Learn Responsibility

In “Redirecting Children’s Behavior” (Parenting Press Inc., 1998, $14.95), author Kathyrn J. Kvols says these are age-appropriate chores:

18 months to 3 years:

* Turn off lights while being carried

* Carry in newspaper or mail

* Carry in light groceries

* Wash tables and counters with damp sponge

* Wash vegetables, tear lettuce, stir

* Feed and water pets

* Put plastic dishes in dishwasher

* Bring recyclables to the garage

* Announce when the traffic light turns green

* Seal and stamp envelopes

4 to 6 years:

* All of the above, plus:

* Help find grocery items in the store

* Water plants

* Sort white clothes from dark clothes for laundry

* Help with vacuuming, sweeping and dusting

* Measure soap for dishwasher and start cycle

* Assist in meal planning

* Rake leaves for a short period of time

* Prepare own lunch

* Walk well-behaved pets

* Start to manage own money

7 to 10 years

* All of the above, plus:

* Help wash and vacuum car

* Help read recipes

* Change sheets on the bed

* Read to younger siblings

* Bathe younger siblings

11 to 15 years

* All of the above, plus:

* Baby-sit

* Cook meals

* Buy groceries from a list

* Change lightbulbs

* Make appointments

* Wax car

* Mow lawn

* Help in parents’ business

16 to 18 years

* All of the above, plus:

* Run errands

* Balance family checkbook

* Handle own checking account

* Help with family budgets

* Take care of house/garden/yard

* Help younger children with homework

* Take care of siblings

Source: Parenting Press, Seattle, Wash. (800) 992-6657 .