Haunted All Season, Dodgers Field Ghosts

That was a ghost team Dodger Manager Davey Johnson fielded against the Houston Astros on Sunday, the sad spectral remnants of a squad that never fully materialized.

Robinson Checo getting the start? No Gary Sheffield in the lineup?

A ghost team, with the nation peering in and the New York Mets and Cincinnati Reds--two of Johnson’s former teams--fearing conspiracy.

But there was no Johnson plot. With Ismael Valdes back home with his family in Mexico, who else was there to pitch? Against Mike Hampton, was Sheffield going to make a difference?

A ghost team, and there really wasn’t anything Johnson could do about it. He has been managing a team without a heartbeat for months now--it simply looks worse, and more embarrassing, in the radiance of the playoff race’s final day.

You don’t risk Kevin Brown on three days’ rest if you’re thinking about the future, because if he comes to spring training 2000 with a dead arm, who pays then?

You don’t play Sheffield if he asks out, because even if he was protecting his .301 average, he has earned the right this season.

You try to win every game, for pride if not for a playoff spot. You manage to win, for the integrity of the game. But the reality is that the Dodgers were not winners this season, and certainly not on the final day.

The Mets, Reds and Astros were grinding for playoff spots, throwing pitchers on three days’ rest, sweating out a rain delay, and squeezing for every last postseason breath.

Johnson only had his comatose team, lurching and teetering for one last day, and that futile, first-inning Checo collapse--four runs, a million walks, no chance--gave Houston the National League Central division title.

“It’s almost,” said Vin Scully during the Dodger telecast, “as if the Dodgers aren’t here.”

Then, delivering for the fans, as always, Scully proceeded to give a near play-by-play of the mesmerizing Mets-Pirates ninth inning, knowing too well that nobody was tuning in for love of this game.

THE BIG PICTURE

Why haven’t the Lakers gone after Scottie Pippen?

It’s all about tax brackets, and the NBA’s little-known 100% luxury-tax trap, starting in the 2001-02 season.

Want to chase a title with the sometimes-cranky, 34-year-old Dream Teamer? It’s going to take somebody willing to burn a ton of money--hello, Portland owner Paul Allen.

Say you’re the Lakers, already carrying a 1999-2000 payroll of about $53 million, and long-term deals with Shaquille O’Neal, Kobe Bryant, Rick Fox and Derek Fisher.

Say you acquire Pippen, whom Phil Jackson considers perfect to accelerate the Lakers’ transition to the triangle offense. In 2001-02, counting makable incentives, Pippen is owed $18.1 million (not to mention $19.7 million the next season).

The NBA projects that the magic tax number will be $56 million; for every dollar a team is over that payroll figure in 2001-02, it must also pay a dollar to a league fund; basically, a 100% tax on big-spending, cap-busting teams.

When the tax man comes in 2001-02, O’Neal, Pippen and Bryant combined will total $50.7 million. Conservatively, that means the Lakers’ payroll would probably come to about $70 million; the tax would hemorrhage another $14 million, and the total projected hit would be a staggering $84 million.

Now, Laker owner Jerry Buss is a rich and usually generous man, and, with the move to Staples, about to get richer--maybe $50 million a year richer, maybe more.

But the tax is a killer, and maybe only Microsoft billionaires are rich enough to ignore it.

WEEKEND TALKING POINTS

1. New Laker uniforms: Shinier, sleeker and apparently make Benoit Benjamin look like he’s 40 again.

2. Dyan Cannon in Laker uniforms: She looked shinier and sleeker too. But Jack wasn’t available?

3. Ryder Cup fallout: Europeans are still complaining that the Americans acted like raving barbarians in victory. They are so sensitive! And just wait until President Trump and Secretary of State Ventura go over there next time and really kick their butts.

4. UCLA’s broken defense: Surrenders game-breaking, heartbreaking, potentially season-breaking 49-yard touchdown to Arizona State . . . sadly, defense is probably better this season.

5. Sister, axed: At Grand Slam Cup, Serena Williams defeated her sister Venus for the first time, possibly as big a psychological boost as winning U.S. Open. Who can beat her now?

6. Wayne Gretzky’s jersey number retired by Edmonton: Even out of uniform, seeing Gretzky on ice again was stirring. I wonder if that Lompoc prison retired Bruce McNall’s number too.

7. Mike Tyson: Says he’d bite Evander Holyfield’s ears again in similar situation. Holyfield adds that he’ll gladly go ahead and beat Tyson to pulp again too.

8. New Orleans running back Ricky Williams: How come a guy who almost always keeps his helmet on, even during interviews, is always getting hurt?

9. Dispatched executives Bob Graziano, Bill Bavasi: Dodgers need more of a baseball man to grow the farm system. Angels need to run a tighter ship. Just switch places.

10. Pippen vs. Barkley: Wherever Scottie ends up this season, you do not want to be standing next to him the first time “fat butt” Charlie comes bounding down the lane.

LEADING QUESTIONS . . .

Hmm, does this remind you of anything?

Jake Plummer has an incredible second season, is on all the magazine covers and projected to be the next great quarterback for the great up-and-coming team. . . .

Then, this year, with the fate of the Arizona Cardinals squarely on his shoulders and the offensive line wearing thin, he looks as though he’s backpedaling on every throw, has a woeful first four games, including three more interceptions on Sunday, giving him 12 for the season. . . .

Sound anything like the star-crossed career of Jim Everett, who never totally pulled out of his crisis of confidence?

Figure that Plummer, who has had a nagging thumb injury, has at least the rest of this season to prove he’s not another Kordell Stewart?