Teltscher Fires a Wicked Return in ‘90s Version of Battle of Sexes

E liot Teltscher picked up the newspaper and couldn’t believe what he was reading.

Newly crowned U.S. Open champion Serena Williams apparently was trying to get a wild card into the men’s ATP Tour event later this month in Stuttgart, Germany. She was also quoted as saying she was bored with women’s tennis. (Williams said last week she was misquoted).

Teltscher was mostly laughing about the situation but did manage to speak.

“I’m 40,” he said. “I haven’t played a tournament in 12 years. I’m 30 pounds overweight and I still think I could beat her.”

And there was more.

“And, I have two herniated disks in my neck.”

Teltscher, who was once ranked as high as No. 6 in the world, is now a USTA coach in Southern California. He did play an ATP event in 1990 at New Haven, Conn., but his last full year on the tour was 1988.

Teltscher vs. Serena?

Why not? Billie Jean King beating Bobby Riggs was a national sensation in 1973. Later, there was a proposed match between Steffi Graf and Jimmy Connors--serious interest on both sides--but it never came off. It’s a fact that the battle of the sexes draws amazing attention. Serena’s comments immediately became office fodder before she said she was just kidding.

A CNN/SI Web site still has this question posted: Should she be allowed to play on the ATP Tour?

As of Friday, there were 4,102 votes cast, 69% against, 31% in favor.

The younger Williams sister is a self-styled Ms. Entertainment. She likes to have fun and often says things with a mischievous gleam in her eye. At Manhattan Beach, she declared she was practicing so well that she should be on the men’s tour.

She laughed and knew she was amusing the media. Then she kept on going and declared that she liked looking at pictures of herself and planned on having a home with “a lot of mirrors.”

And no, there was no story the next day saying that Serena wanted to join the men’s tour. But things seem to change after you win a Grand Slam. Any offhand comment becomes fair game, a joke turns into a world-wide headline. Champions’ words command attention.

For now, Serena seems to be her own best entertainment.

EVERY MOVE SHE MAKES

One of the more disturbing aspects about the growing popularity of women’s tennis--for tour players--is unwanted attention from fringe types, whether it’s overzealous admirers, stalkers-in-training or someone simply pretending to be a reporter.

Ever since Monica Seles was stabbed in the back by a deranged fan of Graf in Hamburg, Germany, in 1993, the women’s tour has observed extra security precautions. Seles has not played in Germany since she was attacked.

Graf herself often had a bodyguard, even at a small tournament a couple of years ago in Birmingham, England. He was everywhere, even outside the dressing room door, and quizzed credentialed reporters before allowing them inside.

Now, No. 1-ranked Martina Hingis of Switzerland found it necessary to step up the protection around her after getting phone calls and strange faxes from a 42-year-old Yugoslav. He turned up at the Swisscom Challenge in Zurich, Switzerland, and requested an interview.

“Since I’ve been No. 1, I always try to have someone with me--a tall handsome guy,” Hingis said, joking. “Your name doesn’t have to be Martina Hingis. As a girl in general, it’s not always safe to walk around alone.

“But I feel safe in Switzerland. It’s definitely the last country I would not feel safe in.”

Top players aren’t the only ones who are bothered by too much attention from obsessed fans. One current tour player, who had a relatively undistinguished junior career, reported that she was stalked in her late teens.

Chanda Rubin got threats during the Australian Open this year, via e-mail, and the youth who sent them was apprehended and prosecuted.

MAC THE NICE

John McEnroe, the new U.S. Davis Cup captain, is learning the virtues of adaptability. Hours after drawing the first-round assignment of traveling to Zimbabwe in February, McEnroe was asked about the substance of his recent talk with Pete Sampras. (Sampras, who has been sidelined because of a back injury since the U.S. Open, resumed practicing last week).

“Here was the nature of my talk with Pete, ready?” McEnroe asked.

McEnroe dropped to his knees in mock prayer.

“That pretty much summed it up,” he said.

And he joked about putting aside his anger at his former mixed-doubles partner, Graf, who upset him when she withdrew from Wimbledon before the semifinals.

Hey, stuff happens.

“[Andre Agassi] threw me the bombshell that he is with Steffi,” McEnroe said. “Talk about shock! Nothing is going to shock me now. Now, all of a sudden, I have to tell him I was happy she defaulted. Talk about shifting the way I looked at things.”