Don’t Diss the Disabled

Growing up, there was probably a kid on your street who was different from the rest--didn’t have many friends, kind of weird, off in his own world. There’s one who now lives on my block and I have a special name for him: my son.

Jeremy is almost 13 and has autism. He walks on his tiptoes, understands virtually everything but says only parts of words. Jeremy is a bright, happy and affectionate child with a sly sense of humor. But he is very different from most kids his age.

I am a white guy who grew up on the Westside but my son’s diagnosis has morphed me into a minority.

When Jeremy attended the Third Street Elementary School in Hancock Park, my wife, Kathy, and I found out the school’s principal and a group of parents were trying to kick the special education students off campus so they could put in a computer room. Kathy and I wrote a letter and wondered if this idea would fly if the kids to be sent away were all Korean, Jewish, Latino, Japanese or African American. Only after a meeting downtown with then-school board member Jeff Horton was the computer room put on hold and the special ed class allowed to stay.

This story demonstrates the way special ed children are discriminated against. But worse than this is the way people with developmental disabilities are routinely made fun of in our culture. Here’s a partial and recent list.

Example No. 1: On Comedy Central’s “The Daily Show,” host Jon Stewart made a joke--I think about Monica Lewinsky--that her favorite pastime was “pulling taffy with special ed kids.” If Stewart thinks kids with disabilities are a crackup, he shouldn’t have Neil Young, Joe Mantegna, Sylvester Stallone, Phoebe Snow, Beverly Sills or quarterback Doug Flutie as guests because they all have special-needs children.

Example No. 2: In a TV spot for the movie “Never Been Kissed,” a geekily attired Drew Barrymore (who coproduced the film) falls down at high school and a classmate asks, “Are you in special ed?” Would Barrymore have signed off on that joke if she realized that a great number of kids aren’t placed in special ed because their parents are afraid of the stigma attached to this and these children never get the help they need?

Example No. 3: The mother of Jason Biggs, the young star of “American Pie,” told People that her son had reservations about doing the film but she advised, “Do it. Don’t be a retard.” Maybe she was just trying to sound like a hip mom. Well, let me give Mrs. Biggs the 411: Mockingly using the word “retard” isn’t cool.

Example No. 4: While sitting in on KRLA talk-radio, Marcia Clark discussed college students who persuaded Ted Kaczynski to write an article for their paper and chuckled: “They probably went to school on the small bus.” In case you don’t get her “joke,” she’s referring to the not-so-big buses that transport special ed kids.

Example No. 5: In a recent issue of George magazine, Vast Right-Wing Conspirator No. 1, Lucianne Goldberg, describes getting a blank stare when she introduced herself to independent counsel Ken Starr and insisted it was like “speaking to a retarded person.”

Thoughtless remarks like these make the speaker feel cool and edgy. We live in in-your-face times, and a consequence of this is that it’s become acceptable to diss people with disabilities. Part of the reason this goes on is because, as far as I know, there is no people-with-disabilities equivalent to the NAACP or Anti-Defamation League.

Although we’re taught to believe that words lack the strength of sticks and stones, I beg to differ.

For years, I’ve imagined how I’d react if someone made a crack about people with disabilities in front of me. It finally happened last year when I was having lunch with two friends and a friend of theirs. I was dazzling them with my rather extensive knowledge of obscure movies. When it became clear I wasn’t about to be stumped, this woman blurted out, “My god! It’s like you’re . . . autistic!” For that brief moment, she’d forgotten about Jeremy’s condition. I felt blood rush to my face and my anger rising. My two friends winced. The woman saw my expression and flinched. I took a deep breath, looked her in the eye and said with a pride I had never felt before, “Thanks . . . I get it from my son.”