LAUGH LINES

Look, Up in the Air: John Travolta’s private plane made an emergency landing after developing engine trouble. “Travolta stayed calm. After all, how many times has his whole career gone into a tailspin?” (Daily Scoop)

Welcome to the NFL: The new Cleveland Browns were beaten in their inaugural game by Pittsburgh, 43-0. “You know, sometimes just being there is a victory. . . . Unfortunately, losing 43-0 is not one of those times.” (Daily Scoop)

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The Essential

David Letterman

Features of the new Kadafi car:

10. Instead of glove compartment, severed-hand compartment.

9. That marvelous “new camel smell.”

7. Built-in computer that gives you correct spellings of Kadafi.

6. That cat suctioned to rear window? It’s real!

4. “My son made the FBI’s 10 most wanted list” bumper sticker.

3. Side-view mirror with message “Objects in mirror are none of your concern.”

2. If you buy one, Kadafi might not kill you.

1. Air conditioner lowers temperatures to a chilly 97 degrees.

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.