LAUGH LINES

A Breeze: “The Santa Ana winds hit Southern California recently, with gusts hitting over 70 mph in some areas. It hasn’t been that windy in Los Angeles since Johnny Cochran delivered his closing arguments in the O.J. Simpson trial.” (Ira Lawson)

Striking Oil: “It’s a shame God never created a man with the combined talents of GOP presidential candidate George W. Bush and President Clinton. Imagine an oil man with Clinton’s luck.” (Argus Hamilton)

Acting Up: “Actress Halle Berry was charged with a crime in Los Angeles. Amazingly, it had absolutely nothing to do with her performance in ‘The Flintstones.’ ” (Jerry Perisho)

Easy Come, Easy Go: “NBC has canceled the show ‘Freaks and Geeks.’ In fact, after hearing how bad the ratings were, UPN announced it’s interested in picking the show up.” (Andrew Wisot)

For Your Convenience: “In order to accommodate customers, the gas stations have introduced a new variety of payment methods. For instance, now you can pay inside or outside: credit, cash or highway robbery.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

What’s It Worth?: “The U.S. Census Bureau is not getting the response it hoped for from its mailed-out forms. They made the 2000 survey way too long. Americans won’t answer that many questions unless the last one is worth a million bucks.” (Hamilton)

Wheeling ‘n’ Dealing: “This is how crazy the price of gas is now: The Domino’s guy asked if I could meet him halfway.” (David Letterman)

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