LAUGH LINES

Reality Check: “A recent probe by law enforcement agencies has concluded that 90% of sports memorabilia is fake. . . . People apparently grew suspicious because . . . some guy bought a copy of Ebony magazine signed by . . . John Rocker.” (Conan O’Brien)

Liven Up: “[Discovery Channel’s ‘Walking With Dinosaurs’ producers] were able to make extinct creatures look almost lifelike. But enough about ‘CBS Evening News With Dan Rather.’ ” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Teaching Tolerance: “Hillary Rodham Clinton spent two days as a guest principal of a New York high school. She was welcomed enthusiastically. The kids knew they could fool around all afternoon behind her back without her knowing what was going on.” (Argus Hamilton)

Losing It: “The Los Angeles Clippers ended the regular NBA season with the worst record in the league once again . . . and management isn’t expecting much improvement next year. . . . Perhaps that explains why they’ve hired Jack Kevorkian as the team physician.” (Ira Lawson)

Shoo! Shoe!: “Legendary blues guitarist Bo Diddley is suing Nike . . . claiming it owes him royalties from thousands of sold T-shirts with his image on them. I guess Nike feels it doesn’t owe Bo ‘diddley.’ ” (Andrew Wisot)

Who’s Stylin’ Now: “Puff Daddy has been nominated for a fashion award by the Council of Fashion Design of America. Here’s my question: You always see Puff Daddy with Jennifer Lopez. Anybody ever notice what he’s wearing? Anybody know what he wore to the Grammys? He could have been naked!” (Jay Leno)

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