A Night Just Like the Movie

The city of Paramount’s newsletter relates that a patron at a local movie theater phoned L.A. County sheriff’s deputies to report that her car had been stolen. The deputy taking the report asked her what movie had been playing. “With a groan,” the newsletter said, “she replied: ‘Gone in 60 Seconds.’ ”

ONLY IN BEVERLY HILLS: Beverly Hills dispenses traffic bulletins and other information to locals on AM 1500 radio, including this tip for dealing with killer bees: If you get stung, the station advised, you should remove the stingers with your fingernails “or a credit card.”

Which reminds me of a flier I saw from a loan company that was obviously written for Southern Californians. The company said it could lend money at low rates for all one’s needs, “such as cosmetic surgery.”

THE WEIRD, WEIRD WORLD OF ANIMALS: Stan and Jean Williams of Canyon Country came across an ad that mentioned a sexually ambiguous cat, while another reader spotted a sale notice for a dog that appeared to be something of a mess (see accompanying). Finally, Elizabeth Holst of Westlake Village noticed a stern parking warning at a veterinary hospital (see photo).

THE WHOLE ANSWER? Robert McCarthy of Tarzana saw a body hair removal ad that announced, “50% Off,” prompting him to ask: “Which half of the body would get this treatment?”

DUELING COUNTIES: The Sea Port Marina Hotel on Pacific Coast Highway, which sits near the Long Beach-Seal Beach border, displays a two-sided marquee. I’m not sure whether the hotel was making a comment about lifestyles differing on each side of the Orange Curtain, but. . . .

The marquee message seen by drivers coming from L.A. County trumpeted a scary sounding rock concert: “Endless Summer . . . 20 Dead Flower Children . . . 9 p.m.-2 a.m.”

Drivers coming from Orange County, in contrast, saw this: “Sunday Champagne Brunch . . . 11 a.m.-2:30 p.m.”

GREAT MOMENTS IN RADIO: On Don Barrett’s laradio.com Web site, Ed Shane recalled his rocky start here as program director of (since-vanished) KKDJ-FM 102.7 in 1971.

The resident nighttime disc jockey was a devotee of folk music and played nothing but. Shane instructed him to switch to pop music, the station’s new format.

Soon afterward, Shane was driving to a party in Hollywood when he turned on his car radio and heard the same disc jockey launch into a defense of folk music, then tell listeners, “I cannot go on. I don’t agree with this policy and I must resign.”

Shane immediately phoned the station announcer (a onetime host of kiddie shows). The latter agreed to take over the show on the spot and promised to adhere to the playlist.

“Please accept our friend’s resignation,” Shane instructed the ex-kiddie host. “Ask him for his keys, collect any station property he has and ask him to leave.”

Shane resumed his drive to the party.

“As I arrived, there was lots of laughter,” Shane recalled. “Then I realized there was way too much laughter and it was all directed at me.”

The telephone exchange had been heard on the air.

miscelLAny:

Steve Durgin sent along a tag from his wife’s workout garb that said, “While it is not specifically forbidden for men to wear these garments, such misappropriation may result in a svelter form, a secure feeling of support, and an uncanny ability to ask for directions.”

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.