Praise for the Saints of Holiday Retail Sales

The holiday season is just about over. By now, most people have completed their shopping. Except for the frantic search for that last-minute gift, people are no longerstanding in long lines or following folks through parking lots hoping to get their parking spot. And you can bet that after a one-day pause, the frenzy will begin again in reverse when a flood-tide of purchases pour back to the stores for credit. Hence the holiday expression, “Many happy returns.”

While it’s the season for gifts, parties and good food--not to mention the serious religious aspects of the holidays, which, after all, are their foundation--it’s also a time when compassion for mankind should turn our attention to those unfortunate folks who are often forgotten during the holidays. I refer, of course, to the harried salespeople behind the counters and in the aisles of shops and department stores.

My concern for salespeople’s well-being started recently when I took a holiday job in a department store. I’m retired, and the idea was to scrape up enough money to finish restoring an old German sports car that’s been languishing in our garage. I picked a job in the housewares department because I enjoy cooking and, over the years, have learned the difference between a bechamel and a bordelaise sauce and how to cheer up a weepy meringue.

“How tough could it be?” I reasoned. “All I have to do is stand around talking about cooking and what paraphernalia people need to do it right; take their money and stuff the purchases in a bag. Piece of cake, right?”

Well, not quite.

After an intense, two-day training period that stressed the Boy Scout virtues of being courteous, kind, cheerful, brave, etc., I was ready to hit the sales floor. But I wasn’t ready for the floor to hit back. Granted, most people are reasonable, but these are snippets of actual conversations I had with customers during my short retail-sales career.

*

My first sale with several people in line:

“I’m returning these three items. . . . No, I don’t have the sales slip. I want to buy this one instead, and I’ll pay the difference in cash.

“But if the difference is over $10, I’ll put the rest on this credit card . . . Waddya mean, you don’t take American Express? It’s the one you’re not supposed to leave home without.”

Phone call: “You sold me a coffee pot about a half-hour ago, but you didn’t give me back my credit card. . . . Well look around some more. . . . I’m going to talk to the manager.

After taking the store apart and calling her back later: “Never mind; it was in my purse wrapped up in the sales receipt.”

Phone call with several people in line: “I’m sorry, but I’m with several customers right now. I can take your number and call you when I’m free, or I can put you on hold.”

“I just have a quick question: You know those George Foreman grills? How many different models are on sale today? I want the one for $59.95. Is that the one that cooks two hamburgers at a time? Does it come in different colors? Well, can you check for me? I want to buy one, but I can’t come in until tomorrow, so let me give you my name and phone number so you can put one away for me. OK?”

“You made a mistake on this refund. You only gave me back $9.95. When I bought it last week, it was priced at $19.95. I used a discount coupon worth $10 dollars. So you owe me $10.”

“Do you have those new pizza cookers that have a thing that goes around like an old record player, with an arm that hangs down where the heat comes out?”

“As a matter of fact we do. But it takes up quite a bit of counter space, and it’s very specialized. I guess you’d have to ask yourself how often you’d use something that’s just devoted to cooking pizza, wouldn’t you?”

“Well I just love to cook. I serve my family pizza at least three times a week.”

“That must keep you pretty busy in the kitchen, making all that sauce and dough.”

“Not at all; I buy the pizzas frozen.”

“We have a question. Macy’s sells this pot for $59.95 but they’ll give us 15% off if we use their credit card. You have it here for $59.95.”

“And your question is . . . “

“We want to know if you’ll give us 15% off if we use your store’s credit card.”

“I’m sorry; I can’t do that.”

“But we can buy it for 15% less at Macy’s.”

“Look, I don’t want to sound like the guy that played Santa Claus in ‘Miracle on 34th Street,’ but if you can buy this same thing for 15% less at Macy’s, then that’s where I’d suggest you buy it.”

“We would except they’re out of them.”

“Really? Well when we’re out of them, we sell them for $1 apiece.”

“No kidding; that’s good to know.”

*

I lasted two weeks before I turned in my name tag. It takes a special kind of saint to work in retail sales, and it wouldn’t hurt for us to give them a kind word or two, especially this time of year.

I don’t remember who said it, but I remember the quote: “In our economy, nothing happens until somebody sells something.”

So let’s give salespeople a break. If it weren’t for them, we’d all be out of a job.