LAUGH LINES

Earthly Matters: “Scientists now say the ozone hole may disappear completely in 50 years--or whenever the San Diego Chargers get their next win. Whichever comes first.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Bookworms on the Road: “According to a new survey, 7% of California citizens say they like to read a book while driving. . . . They say the hardest part about reading while driving is you have to put down the cell phone to turn the page.” (Mark Wheeler)

Political Injustice: George W. Bush is the “first president since Benjamin Harrison in 1888 to win the presidency despite losing the popular vote. Poor Al Gore. It’s not whether you win or lose. It’s whether you win and lose.” (Daily Scoop)

Out of Service: “Amtrak’s new high-speed train broke down. Even the backup train wasn’t available. . . . That’s Amtrak’s idea of a high-speed train--one that breaks down faster.” (Alex Kaseberg)

Stop, in the Name of Appeals: “Convicted Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh has asked a federal judge to put a halt to any appeals pending in his case and to go ahead and set a date for his execution. He made his decision after learning that George W. Bush won the election.” (Ira Lawson)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.