LAUGH LINES

Birds of a Feather: “Now Bush supporters are comparing [Sen. John] McCain to Bill Clinton. . . . They do have some things in common. McCain is personable, Clinton is personable. McCain wants a tax cut, Clinton wants a tax cut. McCain was a prisoner of war for five years, Clinton is married to Hillary.” (Jay Leno)

He’s Spent: “And Steve Forbes says he’ll stay in the race despite his poor showing in New Hampshire . . . this guy spent over $30 million and got nothing. Forget the presidency--he should be in Congress with a record like that.” (Leno)

Super-Duper: “Naomi Campbell settled out of court after being accused of physically assaulting her personal assistant. The assistant’s settlement included medical costs and extensive punitive damages for the emotional humiliation of knowing she got beat up by a supermodel.” (Alex Kaseberg)

Baby Boom: “Catherine Zeta-Jones is reportedly three months pregnant. So pretty soon Michael Douglas is going to be rocking two cradles.” (Andrew Wisot)

Oral Dissertation: “President Clinton hosted the annual National Prayer Breakfast in Washington. It’s for clergy only. Every year the president spends the first 30 minutes denying he ever had Oral Roberts in the Oval Office.” (Argus Hamilton)

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