LAUGH LINES

Oh, Brother: “The other day I was thinking about Billy Carter and Roger Clinton. You know, sometimes presidents get a little embarrassed when there’s a goofy brother in the family. See, that won’t happen to George W. Bush; he is the goofy brother.” (Jay Leno)

Your Kind of Place: “McDonald’s is coming out with a system allowing you to utilize the drive-through without having to pay cash. A transponder communicates with an antenna in the restaurant and then you’ll automatically be billed for your food. See, this way they can screw up your order a lot faster.” (Andrew Wisot)

Exploring Space: “According to a new medical study, it’s not a good idea to give women with PMS chocolate because it makes their condition worse. In fact, you know the best thing to give a woman with PMS? Lots of space.” (Wisot)

Exploring Space II: “Steve Forbes is dropping out of the race for the presidency. He said that if he wanted to waste millions of dollars with hardly any results, he would have gone to work for NASA.” (Alex Kaseberg).

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Chris Pina’s Essential Daily List

Things That Gary Bauer Now Has Time to Do

* Learn to flip pancakes without falling over.

* Insist that kids stop hiking him during football games.

* Become the World Wrestling Federation’s newest sensation: the Lawn Jockey.

* Start paying adult ticket prices.

* Return to Munchkinland.

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