LAUGH LINES

Leader of the Packages: “UPS flies passengers on weekends. There are some interesting differences. For example, first-class UPS passengers are stamped ‘Fragile--Handle With Care.’ And coach passengers fly double-crated with at least 2 inches of packing bubbles.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

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All in the Name: “Fox has a new show titled ‘Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire.’ That is much better than the working title: ‘Who Wants Everyone to Know You Are a Cheap, Tacky Gold Digger?’ ” (Alex Kaseberg)

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Fitting the Crime: “Here’s a surprise: Hillary Clinton has come out for the death penalty, but only in cases of adultery.” (Jay Leno)

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No Joke: “Donald Trump has decided not to run for president. That loud sound you hear is the collective moan of thousands of comedy writers putting away their inventories of bad-hair jokes.” (Kaseberg)

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Trump Card: “Donald Trump announced he is dropping out of the presidential race. What a shock. . . . He said, because it was Valentine’s Day, he dropped out because he wanted to be able to spend more time with himself.” (Leno)

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Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.