Time Stands Still in L.A. Judges’ Directory

Next on “Divorce Court” . . . Hamburgers or hard core? . . . More yelping in the unfriendly skies.

It’s a classic case of deja vu all over again:

Ronald M. George, the chief justice of the California Supreme Court, returned last week to his old stomping grounds in Los Angeles.

His Honor, who once upon a time presided over the Hillside Strangler case, strolled into the downtown Criminal Courts Building, checked a directory by the notoriously balky elevators, and entered a time warp.

Nineteen years after the fact, the sign still says: “R.M. George, Dept. 129.”

A closer inspection also reveals the names of many other Superior Court judges who have moved on or retired.

His Honor knows firsthand how hard it is to change the way they do things in Los Angeles courts.

George has overcome local resistance to reforms such as one-day, one-trial jury service, the merger of the Superior and Municipal Courts and simplification of highfalutin language used in jury instructions to plain English. (Example: It’s recommended that “a preponderance of the evidence” be changed to “more likely than not.”)

The chief justice chalks up the outdated signage to “benign neglect.”

OBJECTION!

An FBI agent unhappy about his representation during a child support dispute has filed a malpractice suit in Los Angeles Superior Court against his former lawyer--who just happens to be the judge on the syndicated TV show “Divorce Court.”

Hugh S. Coleman, representing himself, seeks $32,937, charging that former attorney Mablean Ephraim left him out of the loop, failed to inform him about a hearing, and failed to present evidence in his favor during a custody dispute. As a result, his child support payments jumped $144 a month, Coleman says.

Ephraim could not be reached for comment. She began her legal career as a corrections officer at the federal prison at Terminal Island, put herself through Whittier Law School working as a legal secretary, and spent five years in the city attorney’s office focusing on domestic violence cases.

She entered private practice in 1982 and is a hearing examiner on the city’s Civil Service Commission. All this plus 250 “Divorce Court” episodes airing on 316 stations.

In family law, we should point out, somebody’s always unhappy with the outcome. Some of them sue. Next!

LAWSUIT.COM

The reading public needs to know that punctuation means everything in cyberspace.

In-N-Out Burger, that Southern California fast-food staple, has filed a cyber-squatting suit against Worldwide Media in U.S. District Court in Los Angeles. The burger chain’s Web site is in-n-out.com. It features double-double cheeseburgers. According to the suit, Worldwide Media’s Web site has a similar name but different punctuation. Its content is, ahem, much spicier. The burger chain doesn’t want the two confused.

AIR RAID

Beverly Hills socialite Marcelle Becker, still mourning her late lap dog Dom Perignon, has filed another lawsuit over their infamous 1995 fracas at 30,000 feet. She’s seeking more than $5 million in damages from American Airlines, charging that the firm falsely accused her of crimes to deflect an earlier lawsuit.

Becker, who sued American unsuccessfully a couple of years ago, now says the airline and federal authorities conspired to get her indicted, subjecting her to “hatred, contempt, ridicule . . . shame, mortification and hurt feelings.”

The dispute began when Becker’s 8-pound Maltese apparently objected to being handled like so much baggage. The dog escaped from its Louis Vuitton carrier when a flight attendant stowed it under the first-class seat Becker had bought for her pet. The little yipper ran around first class, causing a ruckus.

Becker charges in her Los Angeles Superior Court suit that the airline libeled her in documents it gave to the U.S. attorney’s office. The Feds went on to secure a grand jury indictment, accusing Becker of interfering with a flight crew.

But the criminal charges were dropped in U.S. District Court not long after a judge in Superior Court in Santa Monica dismissed Becker’s original civil suit. Becker maintains that the flight attendant maliciously punted her pet under the seat. And then, Becker alleges, the captain tied her into her seat with the doggie’s leather leash when she threw a fit. Dom Perignon later died from stress, Becker charges.

QUOTABLE

“Of course I’m concerned. But what do you want? You want a nervous breakdown? I’m not having it.”--Recently ungagged former Symbionese Liberation Army fugitive Sara Jane Olson, asked by a reporter why she’s laughing while she faces life in prison if convicted of conspiring to plant pipe bombs under Los Angeles police cars 25 years ago.