They Hope ‘MNF’ Doesn’t Mean ‘Miller’s No Fun’

Where’s the beef? Although reactions from fans to ABC’s bold/stupid hiring of Dennis Miller as a “Monday Night Football” commentator have been tepid, the move has been well-received by newspaper critics.

Of course, the actual ratings will depend on something more mundane, such as the football games.

The San Francisco Chronicle’s Glen Dickey suggests the NFL adjust its schedule at midseason to drop some of the supposed contenders who have turned into turkeys and pick up some of the surprises.

“Last year the season-ending game was that hide-your-eyes matchup between the 49ers and Falcons,” Dickey writes, “while ‘MNF’ never had a game with either of the Super Bowl teams, the St. Louis Rams and Tennessee Titans.”

Big surprise: The NFL says it can’t do that.

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Trivia time: Who was the only rookie to win the Cy Young Award?

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Long ball: There were only 30 all-star spots for position players . . . and 34 players with 20 or more home runs at baseball’s All-Star break.

“The numbers are incredible,” said New York Yankee Manager Joe Torre, who came up in the relative dead-ball era of the ‘60s. “It’s quite a year. It’s an offensive game.”

Torre noted David Justice had 22 homers, putting him on a 40-homer pace . . . and didn’t get an all-star whisper.

“You can’t shut it [offense] off anymore like you used to,” Atlanta Brave Manager Bobby Cox said. “From what I see, you better get what you can get because it’s never enough, anymore.”

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Where is everybody? Of the 16 players the fans voted into the All-Star game starting lineup, eight scratched because of injuries, including Ken Griffey Jr., who had a sore knee but had been playing for the Cincinnati Reds.

The National League was so strapped for a third-string catcher after Mike Piazza got hit in the head with a pitch, NL Manager Cox all but asked for volunteers.

Cox tried his own Javy Lopez, but he had already left for Puerto Rico. The Dodgers’ Todd Hundley, who had played only 46 games, demurred because of family commitments.

Cox finally found a taker, the Chicago Cubs’ Joe Girardi, who was hitting .302 with 21 runs batted in.

“Girardi . . . is officially an All-Star,” the Chicago Tribune’s Phil Rogers wrote. “And Frank Thomas isn’t. What’s wrong with this picture?”

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You ready for football? Los Angeles City Councilman Zev Yaroslavsky, who had called for a return of the pro game, on the announcement of the new XFL franchise: “This isn’t necessarily what I had in mind at the time, but it will do.”

Yeah, sure.

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Trivia answer: The Dodgers’ Fernando Valenzuela in 1981.

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And finally: Sports Illustrated’s Steve Rushin, on the title of the new magazine Pro, designed for professional athletes: “Self, Money and True Crime were already taken.”