Beat Me With Your Best Shot

As a schoolboy in Indiana, Christopher Wonder often sat out stickball, preferring to hang upside down from the monkey bars. Today he’s known as “The Human Pinata,” and the traits that made Wonder a little out of sync from his classmates win him applause at some of L.A.’s alternative cabarets. We followed the 31-year-old magician (and self-proclaimed “psychic pig trainer”) as he prepared to perform at a recent benefit to restore downtown’s Orpheum Theater.

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8:30 a.m. On Olvera Street, Wonder and his girlfriend, Marlo, buy three large bags of stale pinata candy and two sombreros.

Noon. At home in Silver Lake, Wonder packs his vintage steamer trunks with magic equipment and fills the sleeves of his straitjacket with candy.

2 p.m. Wonder tests his custom-made hoist, attached to a 15-foot metal pole. It wobbles but does not fall down. Neighbor Tony Millionaire strolls by as Wonder dangles. “If it snaps, will it really hurt?” asks Millionaire. “Uh, yeah,” says Wonder.

4:30 p.m. Wonder’s potbellied pig, Porkchop, prepares for his sidekick role by inhaling dirt and trotting around the backyard. Millionaire watches from his porch, flipping pork chops on the barbecue.

5 p.m. Wonder decides that the jagged edge reinforcing the pole could impale his skull; he cushions it with foam.

6:30 p.m. Porkchop throws a hissy fit and refuses to get into Wonder’s station wagon.

6:50 p.m. A neighbor with farm experience wrestles the pig into the car.

7:10 p.m. Wonder’s drummer, wearing a bunny suit, greets the entourage at the Orpheum. The show’s burlesque dancers coo at Porkchop, who refuses to get out of the car.

7:20 p.m. Wonder slips his contraption past the stage manager, who specifically had warned him not to do the human pinata tonight.

7:30 p.m. The show starts. A man uses a bullwhip to strip the clothes off a dancer. She’s OK, but backstage, Wonder scrambles to find replacements after mariachis hired for the act decide to mutiny.

7:40 p.m. Wonder tries to persuade a rigger to help tie his ankle straps. “Sorry, man,” says the rigger, shaking his head. “I don’t want to be responsible.”

8 p.m. Wonder, on a popcorn hunt to placate Porkchop, nearly misses his cue. He rushes onstage. Porkchop also misses his cue. Wonder cuts to the pinata act but, assisted by faux mariachis, has trouble getting into his straitjacket.

8:05 p.m. A friend dangles Wonder, secured in the straitjacket and wearing a Mexican wrestling mask, upside down from his hoist. Three audience members beat Wonder with PVC pipes.

8:07 p.m. After multiple whacks, Wonder escapes from the straitjacket and streams of candy pour from his sleeves. He hops to his feet and takes a bow. Porkchop jogs in looking for snacks.