LAUGH LINES

In the Dumps: “According to the latest statistics on air quality from the Environmental Protection Agency, the L.A. area still ranks tops in the U.S. when it comes to smog. That’s no big surprise when you consider all the garbage that Hollywood generates.” (Ira Lawson)

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The Essential David Letterman

Top 10 Cool Things About

Being the World’s Oldest Man

10. You wouldn’t believe how chicks flock when they hear you knew Orville Wright.

9. Low on denture cleaner? Call grandchildren and borrow theirs.

8. You’re closing in on Denny’s deal: “Guys over 150 eat free.”

7. At this point, smoke all you please.

6. The look on someone’s face when you tell them your Social Security number is 8.

5. Weekly bridge games with world’s tallest man and the guy with ridiculously long fingernails.

4. You’re the only human who can remember when the Cubs didn’t suck.

3. Every year, get to host ABC’s “New Year’s Rockin’ Eve.”

2. Can call the world’s second-oldest man, pretend you’re dying, yell, “Psych!”

1. At high school reunion, you get the entire buffet to yourself.

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.