It’s Time to Pamper Pop: Make This a Daylong Endeavor

Many recent letters have asked for suggestions about how to honor our fabulous fellas, the fathers of our blessed children. One thing I know is that Dads sincerely expect to be spoiled, acknowledged and gifted all day long on Father’s Day. Breakfast in bed is a good start, but heaven help you if it’s business as usual by lunchtime. They desperately want to know they are the center of the entire day’s activities.

Don’t misunderstand--they don’t necessarily want to spend the day parenting. For example, the gift of a nap during which you take the kids to the park or for a stroll through the grocery store to pick out his favorite fixins for dinner are considered very good gifts. If you are dining out, picking a place where jeans and a sweatshirt are considered appropriate attire also is a good present.

Indulge me while I change tacks, but I’ve noticed the most astonishing thing in my husband since he lost his father. It’s uncanny how he’s transformed through that aching loss to step into the shoes of the dad who went before him. It occurred to me that men might not be exactly sure how to behave as fabulous dads until a vacuum is created by the loss or illness of their own fathers. Perhaps that’s why Father’s Day has been hard to define for many daddies.

I’ve noticed that my own husband, the new patriarch, shows more willingness to spend an afternoon baiting hooks at Troutdale in Malibu or teaching the kids to Boogie Board than he might have when he still considered himself the baby of the family.

Once he realized he was the reigning dad, he seemed compelled to share the same kinds of memorable experiences with our kids that his beloved dad so generously gave him.

You, Mom, can help make Father’s Day precious by doing what you do best--organizing some father-kids activity that reminds him of some wonderful memory from a time with his dad. Not only must you organize the right outing, but you also must document it with the still and video cameras.

You’ll be in charge of food too. Gifts are good, but the really spectacular ones are those that allow your life partner to live out dreams that he treasures from his own childhood. My four kids’ best Father’s Day gifts have been baseball gloves, fishing poles, sweatshirts with personal messages describing his superiority as a dad and photo albums of magical father-child experiences.

Whatever the effort, dads are worth it. Where else can you find a grown man whose heart grows so big during the sixth-grade performance of “The Odyssey” that he whispers he may be having angina? That kind of love is rare as unicorn horns and just as magical. Happy Father’s Day to our heroes and our kids’ superheroes. We adore you and cherish you!

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You can write to Vicki Iovine at vicki@girlfriendsguide.com.