Advertisement

LAUGH LINES

For Sale: “The Unabomber is selling his property in Montana. . . . Remember the Unabomber? He was the guy who played ‘Survivor’ by himself. He did it before it was fashionable.” (Jay Leno)

Stayin’ Alive: “CBS announced that the season finale of ‘Survivor’ is going to be 90 minutes long instead of the usual 60 minutes. Apparently, the contestants need that extra half-hour, because in the final episode, they’ll try to kill New York City rats. Tougher to kill--but meatier.” (Conan O’Brien)

Third Time’s a Charm: “Arnold Schwarzenegger tells “Access Hollywood” that he’s eager to do ‘Terminator 3.’ This time, the Terminator will face another artificial life form that just won’t stop: Al Gore.” (Daily Scoop)

All a Buzz: “Flies have invaded the N.Y. town of Naples. Experts say the flies were attracted by 200 tons of manure spread in a farmer’s field. If 200 tons of manure attract that many flies, wouldn’t the presidential campaign be permanently infested?” (Jerry Perisho)

Advertisement

Forgettables: “Jane Fonda tells the new issue of O magazine that posing with an anti-aircraft gun in Vietnam as a protest of the war was ‘the most horrible thing’ she could have possibly done. How quickly she forgets ‘Barbarella.’ ” (Ira Lawson)

*

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.


Advertisement