But We Bet He Wasn’t Speeding

Hollywood Boulevard is no stranger to strange sights, but L.A. police couldn’t help but be suspicious when they saw a man driving down the fabled rue at 3:30 a.m.--in a yellow forklift.

The man confessed he had taken it from a nearby construction site.

“He said he was on his way back from seeing a buddy,” said Deputy Dist. Atty. Mark Vezzani.

IT MUST BE GOING AROUND: A rival for dumb-criminal honors was the Berkeley man whose car broke down north of Ventura Wednesday, inspiring him to steal a Caltrans truck, according to the California Highway Patrol.

The Caltrans truck had been parked nearby, with the keys in the ignition. A CHP officer said the man claimed he “borrowed” the truck to get to L.A.

“I don’t know what he was thinking,” CHP officer Dave Webb said. “You can spot an orange Caltrans truck anywhere.”

NO EXACT CHANGE HERE: In the Santa Clarita Valley edition of The Times, Barry Cook noticed a police log item about a 40-year-old man who was arrested one recent afternoon “for driving naked and drunk through a drive-thru.”

At least we know why he didn’t order at the counter.

DUELING SIGNS: Jay Hovdey of Laguna Niguel came upon some parking restrictions that were in dispute (see photo). “I split the difference and parked for 22 1/2 minutes,” he said.

WHAT WOULD AN HMO SAY? A reader identifying him/herself as L.U. of L.A. had this reaction to a vasectomy ad: “I thought that once in a lifetime was enough for a male” (see accompanying).

WHICH REMINDS ME: I identified Adar Belinkoff, the reader who contributed a humorous item about Los Angeles Street in Israel, as a “she” instead of a “he.” My apologies.

THEY’RE PEOPLE TOO: Smokers often get a bad rap. But one Thousand Oaks billiard parlor, spotted by Randy Epstein of Westlake Village (see photo), at least doesn’t consider them loafers.

HEAR YE! HEAR YE! While serving on jury duty in Van Nuys, Jeff Ballam and the others in his group were waiting in a hallway after lunch when he noticed “a young woman in a gray suit carrying a chart and talking on a cell phone. She walked up and down the hallway, obviously looking for a particular courtroom.

“All of a sudden,” Ballam continued, “another attorney came out of a courtroom talking on his cell phone. I overheard him saying, ‘Let me come and see if I can find you. Oh, you’re at the opposite end of the hall.’ They continued to talk for a couple of moments as she walked down the hallway.”

Considering all the people who use cell phones in L.A., I’m surprised they didn’t pass each other.

SWIM GOGGLES INSTEAD OF OPERA GLASSES? My colleague Dorothy Ingebretsen, who has front-row seats to see “Metamorphoses” at the Mark Taper Forum, received a notice informing her that the production “is performed entirely in and around a large pool of water (treated with standard swimming pool chemicals). . . . You may be splashed during the performance. We advise that you take care to wear clothing that is not sensitive to water marking (e.g. avoid silks and other sensitive natural fibers).”

miscelLAny:

I liked Academy Awards host Billy Crystal’s line about the thief of some Oscars being described as “armed and pretentious.”

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.