LAUGH LINES

Dare to Wear: “Philadelphia has become the first big city school district to require uniforms for all its students. They are doing this because they say the uniforms will cut down on violence. . . . Oh, yeah, it worked for the NFL.” (Jay Leno)

On the Road Again: “Actress Halle Berry was given probation and fined . . . after pleading no contest to misdemeanor charges of leaving the scene of an accident. . . . Meanwhile, Berry has returned to work on her next movie, ‘Driving Miss Daily Into a Ditch.’ ” (Daily Scoop)

Scandalous Love: “Newt Gingrich is marrying his office-aide mistress, and Rudy Giuliani is dumping his wife for a newer model. Republicans have done the impossible: They’ve managed to make the Clintons look like the picture of togetherness.” (Argus Hamilton)

On a Budget: “Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie [reportedly] spent $189 on their wedding. Apparently, they’re saving all their money for the divorce.” (Rudolph J. Cecera)

Leaving So Soon?: Hillary Clinton said “she plans to devote herself to improving the life of New Yorkers . . . and I’m thinking: ‘What? She’s moving back to Arkansas?’ ” (David Letterman)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.