LAUGH LINES

Single Slices: “There’s a new national movement by single people who are complaining that the promises of Al Gore and George W. Bush are targeting families and children because they are family men. [Single people would] like to see someone do something more for single people. This is why Clinton struck the perfect balance as a politician. He was a married guy who acted like he was single.” (Jay Leno)

The Wonder Years: “The Baltimore Sun did an expose on George W. Bush’s childhood. He used to put firecrackers down frogs’ throats, throw them up in the air and watch them explode. So, when you think about it, those guys on death row got off pretty easy.” (Argus Hamilton)

Bring It Up: “Plans are in the works to retool ‘Who Wants to Be a Millionaire’ to increase sagging ratings. If Regis [Philbin] wants a show’s ratings to go up, he knows what to do: have Kathie Lee Gifford co-host, then get rid of her.” (Alex Kaseberg)

Young Voters: Nickelodeon asked kids to name their choice for president, “and they picked George W. Bush over Al Gore. The boys tended to vote for Bush because he once owned a sports team, and that was kind of cool. The girls . . . picked Gore because he likes to play with makeup and put it on.” (Leno)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.