CHRIS DUFRESNE’S TOP 25

1. Nebraska (5-0) Anyone else notice the defense has been husked for 51 points in last two wins?

2. Miami (4-1) Jimmy Johnson called to say he’ll take over from here.

3. Virginia Tech (5-0) Missed Thursday night game: Out trying to find win on USC’s schedule.

4. Ohio State (5-0) Defense hitting like the days of the Katzenmoyer Kids.

5. Clemson (6-0) Looking for first 7-0 start since a Ford (Danny) drove home the points.

6. Florida State (5-1) Bowden hopes to sign former Duke kicker Heather Sue Mercer.

7. Oklahoma (5-0) We’d appreciate it if the Sooners would take Manhattan (Kansas) this weekend.

8. Oregon (4-1) Best coach in Pac-10 matches wits with another coach this weekend.

9. Kansas State (6-0) Time capsule will read: “Oct. 14, 2000, Wildcats finally played school with winning record.”

10. Florida (5-1) Spurrier may have found answer in Rex (the Wonder QB) Grossman.

11. Washington (4-1) Neuheisel returns to Tempe to face Arizona State and attend high school reunion.

12. UCLA (4-1) There is no reason to believe the Bruins’ season is going to pot.

13. Texas Christian (5-0) That victory over Northwestern looming larger by the minute.

14. Georgia (4-1) Washington AD Barbara Hedges expresses condolences over team’s landscaping woes.

15. Mississippi State (4-1) Just how we figured it: Lose to South Carolina, then beat Florida and Auburn.

16. Northwestern (5-1) How come this journalism school can churn out great tailbacks and USC can’t get one?

17. Oregon State (4-1) Florida State calls to console Beavers’ for their “Wide Right” miss against Washington.

18. Purdue (4-2) Kicker Travis Dorsch promises not flip the bird this week in front of the ‘Cats.

19. Michigan (4-2) Team moves quickly to Plan B: wrecking Ohio State’s national title hopes.

20. Arizona (4-1) Dick Tomey’s team thrives in the arena of lowered expectations.

21. Auburn (5-1) Staff ordered to stop licking “Rudi Johnson for Heisman” envelopes.

22. Notre Dame (3-2) Irish set to drop anchor on Navy for 37th consecutive year.

23. South Carolina (5-1) The best football-playing USC East and West of the Mississippi.

24. Arizona State (4-1) Who needs scholarships when you can get walk-ons like these guys have?

25. USC (3-2) Trojans, please shut door on way out of our rankings.