LAUGH LINES

Untying the Knot: Fox has developed “ ‘I Want a Divorce,’ [which will] feature six couples with pending divorces. The couples will duke it out . . . by answering personal questions about one another, and in turn, win some of their shared marital assets. . . . Now, if they can just get Bill and Hillary to make an appearance.” (Mark Wheeler)

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The Essential David Letterman

Top 10 Election Issues

Important to Dumb Guys

10. “Medicare coverage for swallowing a billiard ball.”

9. “Use part of budget surplus to buy everybody a free hat.”

8. “If you lose your wallet, the government should help you find it by using a satellite or laser or something.”

7. “Sure, waffles are delicious now . . . but will they always be?”

6. “Why don’t people on TV wave back at you?”

5. “We’ve got to be prepared for an invasion by Canexico.”

4. “Finding the one-armed man to finally clear the fugitive’s good name.”

3. “The next president gets to appoint, like, three new regulars to ‘The Hollywood Squares.’ ”

2. “Strengthening military so space monkeys can’t blow up the White House.”

1. “Candy or soda? (It’s a tie.)”

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