Dennis Miller Has Yet to Top These Famous Fumbles

His reviews have been mixed, but rookie Dennis Miller has enjoyed a better preseason on the “Monday Night Football” broadcast than ex-player Fred Williamson did in 1974.

The Hammer, as he called himself, refused to wear a tie on the air because it would cover his jewelry. He churned out cliche after cliche, and occasionally taunted colleague Howard Cosell with such lines as: “Even an old cripple like you could have made yardage through that hole, Howard!”

Williamson was fired after three games. The saga of the Hammer is one of many wacky and offbeat stories surrounding “Monday Night Football.”

Return with us now to those thrilling games of yesteryear, beginning in 1970, when the first “MNF” booth held Keith Jackson, Howard Cosell and Don Meredith.

Fair comment: In the trio’s first game, a Cleveland receiver named Fair Hooker catches a pass and Meredith comments, “Isn’t Fair Hooker a great name?” When he fails to get a rise out of his colleagues, Meredith adds, “Fair Hooker . . . I haven’t met one yet.”

Can a broadcaster be recalled?: After the game, Henry Ford II, whose car company is the main sponsor of the broadcast, calls ABC and demands that the talkative Cosell be replaced. Cosell is given a reprieve, after which the ratings rise and favorable reviews come in.

High note: At the outset of a game in Denver, Meredith says, “Welcome to the Mile-High City--and I really am.”

Catching fire: In Dallas, Jackson, the old pro, calls one series with his pants leg on fire. A cigarette dropped by Cosell has ignited some debris.

The party’s over . . .: Cosell imbibes several vodkas before a game in Philadelphia, then throws up on Meredith’s boots in the second quarter. Cosell is sent home at halftime. Meredith refrains from singing his trademark line, “The party’s over . . .” to his colleague.

Watergate formation: Discussing President Nixon’s penchant for diagraming plays for NFL coaches, Meredith refers to him on the air as “Tricky Dick.”

The salute: During a 34-0 romp by the visiting Oakland Raiders, a Houston fan gives the ABC camera the finger. Meredith quips that the fan means, “They’re No. 1.”

Sleeping in Seattle: During a San Diego rout of the Seahawks, Meredith and a new colleague--O.J. Simpson--feign sleep after a commercial break. According to Marc Gunther and Bill Carter, authors of the authoritative “Monday Night Mayhem,” ABC Sports boss Roone Arledge phones the control booth and screams, “You don’t make fun of the product, especially when the product is ‘Monday Night Football.’ I don’t care how bad the game is.”

On the Juice: In Buffalo, Simpson jokes, “Howard, you’ve proved once again you have a tremendous grasp of the obvious, to use one of your lines.” Cosell snaps, “Fine! OK!” and refuses to talk to Simpson the rest of the evening.

Thereby proving Michaels’ point . . .: Al Michaels, who had joined the crew in 1986, says the Raiders are “underachieving” during one of their poorer years (1997) and jokes that reclusive owner Al Davis could “star in ‘The Howard Hughes Story.’ ” The Raiders issue a bizarre press release saying Michaels “doesn’t have an ounce of truthfulness or morality in his body.”

Holding penalty: Frank Gifford, then teamed with Michaels and Dan Dierdorf, is removed from that team before the 1998 season. One factor: a tabloid that published photos of him embracing a former flight attendant in a hotel suite.

Expert analysis: Boomer Esiason replaces Gifford as a color commentator in the Michaels-Dierdorf booth. Esiason is the author of a sports novel, “Toss,” in which an NFL player is advised that when dealing with the media, he should “use the language of color commentators, stating things so obvious they’d be comical in any other setting.”

Now that’s comical: Asked what the Philadelphia Eagles’ low-scoring offense needs, Esiason says, “An enema.”

Offsides: Unaware that he is on the air, ABC’s Michaels jokingly responds to a Dierdorf comment by uttering a four-letter vulgarity, the S-word.

Tensions: Michaels and Esiason, teamed alone after the firing of Dierdorf, profess everything is going well during the 1999 season, But in one game, Esiason twice makes asides about how the television business is about “everyone working angles.” Finally, Michaels says curtly, “I don’t know about that.” After Esiason is fired, he blames Michaels for undercutting him.

And, now, it’s Miller time: Already Dennis Miller has uttered at least one classic line, though not one calculated to win the love of the sponsors. Miller greeted the sight of the Budweiser blimp by musing whether it was piloted by Bruce Dern. The reference was to the 1977 movie “Black Sunday,” in which a blimp-pilot terrorist played by Dern tries to blow up the Super Bowl.

Oh well. Even Miller’s critics have to admit one thing: So far he hasn’t set any of his colleagues’ pants legs on fire.

* “Monday Night Football,” which tonight pits the St. Louis Rams against the Denver Broncos, airs on ABC at 6 p.m.