Betwixt and Bewildered

The riches of life lie before Dave Herbelin, 25, and Kari Keller, 26, like a sumptuous buffet. Coming of age in a time of peace and prosperity, they have college degrees and are making it in their field of choice: acting. So, with every indication that their salad days will be followed by a satisfying main course, why are they writing a comedy show about how much being a 20-something bites? Because, Keller said, “the world has always been awful, but it seems so much more awful now.”

The catch phrase du jour and the title of the latest generational treatise--”Quarterlife Crisis” (Jeremy P. Tarcher/Putnam)--has spawned a national dialogue in coffee bars, over the Internet and on “Oprah” as recent college grads discover they have more in common than worthless dot-com stock options, an affinity for tacky reality shows and Red Bull energy drinks. Overwhelmed by too many options and the desire for well-paying jobs that are personally fulfilling, fans of the book are claiming a collective freakout.

“It’s good to know I’m not the only one jobless and lonely.” “I highlighted practically the whole book!” “It’s about time somebody told everyone outside of their 20s that it’s not as easy as it looks. ... “ On and on go the testimonials on https://quarterlifecrisis.com, a Web site set up by the book’s authors, Alexandra Robbins, 24, and Abby Wilner, 25, to post angst and garner press coverage, which has helped them land on some bestseller lists.

Twentysomething misery is certainly not novel. It’s been written about by Bob Dylan, Elizabeth Wertzel and countless others. “It’s a phase of life. There’s nothing crisis-oriented about it,” said UCLA career center director Kathy Sims, who has worked with college grads for more than 15 years and insists that today’s job market is stronger than ever.

“The only crisis is how self-absorbed and self-entitled this group of 20-somethings shows themselves to be,” a reader from Washington, D.C., writes on Amazon.com.

New or not, genuine or not, the “quarterlife crisis”--with its symptoms of job hopping, difficulty making decisions and self-doubt--is becoming a cultural signpost for some, mostly affluent, college-educated 20-somethings, who feel their generation lacks a defining moment.

“Our parents had civil rights, the Vietnam War; they had something to believe in. My generation doesn’t know what it’s passionate about,” said Emily Silver, 24, a director’s assistant from Burbank, who identified with the crisis after reading about it in UCLA’s Daily Bruin. “Sometimes boundaries give you more happiness. But structure has faded away, and we don’t know which way to go.” She said, borrowing a motto from her boomer parents, it leaves us “blowing in the wind.”

The authors met in high school in their hometown, Bethesda, Md. After Robbins graduated from Yale and Wilner from Washington University in St. Louis, they, like many college grads, found it difficult to adjust. Not seeing any outlets for realistic discussion about the transition (MTV’s “Real World” apparently didn’t cut it), they coined a clever term, set about documenting the grievances of about 100 of their peers and wrote the timely book.

“There were some publishers who rejected our proposal because they didn’t think there was a market, which is ironic because our whole point is that 20-somethings have been ignored for their problems,” Wilner said.

Not everyone is buying the authors’ qualifications, though. “They found a niche, they wrote a book, congratulations,” said Keller, who plans to title her 20-something show “Mourning Becomes Afternoon.” Robbins works for Mademoiselle and the New Yorker, “which basically means she is a frustrated sorority girl with a good job, and the other one’s a glorified dot-commer. And they’re going to tell me what’s wrong with my life? I’m embarrassed I own this book.” (For the record, Wilner is now an ex-dot commer.)

For Keller, Dave Eggers’ “A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius: Based on a True Story” (Simon & Schuster, 2000) is a more accurate and compelling portrayal of 20-something angst. Eggers’ high-spirited memoir recounts how he became both an orphan and a single parent of his 8-year-old brother at age 22, after his parents died within five months of one another. “Because when you’re 25,” Keller’s writing partner Herbelin added without a hint of irony, “you get the gift of mortality.”

Some elders are having difficulty feeling a lot of sympathy for a group whose only knowledge of war was in the Persian Gulf. But in an interview, Robbins argued, “This is not a case of a coddled generation, it’s more of a cultural shift. We over-think things to death, we feel pressured to get on a fast track and we crave the knowledge that we are on a path that will get us where we want to go. But there are no guarantees.”

Although the book shies away from promoting intra-generational strife, the authors maintain that coming of age was easier in the past because there were fewer paths to take. “There was less beating yourself up. You made one decision and stuck with it,” Robbins said. “We were raised on mottos like ‘Be All That You Can Be,’ but when you get into the real world, it can be discouraging.”

Having lived through middle-age angst films “The Big Chill,” “The Ice Storm” and “American Beauty,” many 20-somethings say they are determined to get it right the first time and to find their dream jobs and relationships before midlife crisis sets in. They’ve got a tall order.

“We require not only a job that pays us well, but a job we like to go to, with a good working environment and co-workers we get along with,” said Lynn Truong, 22, an assistant media planner at advertising agency Grey Worldwide, who recently gave her two-week notice.

Many 20-somethings came of age listening to rap music with all its Mercedes and Gucci references. Spoiled by having plenty of their parents’ money to spend at the mall on expensive sneakers and Sony Walkmans, they aren’t about to give that up. “The world is different now,” said Elliot Chen, 26, an intern at CitiCorp. “We’re expected to own more things, to jump off cliffs, to take expensive trips, to have dinner out every Friday and Saturday night. Our parents just bought a house and ate in all the time.”

Of course, the Internet could have been the ticket. Dot-com jobs seemed to have it all; they were fulfilling, lucrative and fun--you could ride your scooter in the office! “We were the bright, optimistic ones, ready to jump on the information superhighway,” said Keller, who took her turn working for a dot-com. “Now it’s like a bad driver’s ed film.”

The dot-com crash not only left lots of 20-somethings jobless, but also gave them the impression that success has to come early or not at all. “Seeing all these young overachievers makes you think by the time you’re 30, you are over the hill and your time has passed if you haven’t made $1 million or become famous,” said Silver. (And more and more, those overachievers are under 20-somethings such as Britney Spears and the now-ancient Tiger Woods.)

In the quest for successful jobs that are also socially important and personally satisfying, job hopping has become common. But flitting from one thing to another in the name of self-exploration can take its toll, even for a generation dependent on the innumerable choices offered by cable TV, remote control and the Internet.

It’s Easier to Move On Than Work Things Out

“There’s always this nagging feeling that there could be someone or something better,” said Herbelin, the actor. “It’s almost like we have connected with the world too much. And with all the possibilities, we knock down these perfect things that are right in front of us. We’ve stopped forgiving flaws and little quirks, stopped working things out because it’s just easier to pick something else up.”

When it comes to romance, many confess to a conflict between the desire to settle down and an inability to commit. Pamela Paul, 30, a writer for American Demographics magazine, explores this tension in her book “I Do ... for Now: Starter Marriages and the Future of Matrimony in America” to be released next year. For those who want the best of both worlds, there’s always cohabitation without marriage, or what seems to be a whole new step on the relationship ladder: engaged but on hiatus, which means a couple is engaged but not planning a wedding.

Men and women are waiting longer to get married, but the marriage rate among 20-somethings is impressive in relation to the age group’s small population, Paul said. “We are experiencing matrimania. On TV and in magazines, we are obsessed with celebrity weddings. There’s a whole genre of film that is the Julia Roberts marriage vehicle.” This summer’s hit flick “Legally Blonde” has coed Reese Witherspoon plotting her marriage to her college sweetheart--a far cry from the swinging singles in 1978’s “Animal House.”

The whining of a rich, lazy generation? Perhaps. Twentysomethings may not be experiencing anything different from what their parents went through, but the book is providing some assurance that they are not alone at the crossroads. And befitting the directionless audience it’s aimed at, the biggest criticism readers have had for “Quarterlife Crisis” is: There are no solutions.