Her Blue Haven
Bill Plaschke predicted doom for the Dodgers in 2001. . . . Plaschke criticized. . . . Plaschke forgot. . . . Plaschke compared unfairly. . . . The Dodgers need encouragement, not negativity. . . .
That was part of a 1,200-word screed e-mailed to me last December, a holiday package filled with colorful rips. It was not much different from other nasty letters I receive, with two exceptions.
This note contained more details than the usual “You’re an idiot.” It included on-base percentages and catchers’ defensive statistics. It was written by someone who knew the Dodgers as well as I thought I did.
And this note was signed. The writer’s name was Sarah Morris. She typed it at the bottom.
Most people hide behind tough words out of embarrassment or fear, but Sarah Morris was different. She had not only challenged me to a fight, but had done so with no strings or shadows.
I thought it was cute. I wrote her back. I told her I was impressed and ready for battle.
Little did I know that this would be the start of a most unusual relationship, which eight months later is being recounted from a most unusual place. I am writing this from the floor,
Sarah Morris having knocked me flat with a punch I never saw coming.
May I ask you a question? For two years I have been running my own Web site about the Dodgers. I write game reports and editorials. How did you become a baseball editorialist? That is my deam.
This was Sarah’s second e-mail, and it figured. Every time I smile at someone, they ask me for a job.
Her own Web site? That also figured. Everybody has a Web site. The Dodgers guess there are more than two dozen Web sites devoted to kissing the almighty blue.
So my expert wasn’t really an expert, but rather a computer nerd looking for work. I didn’t need any more pen pals with agendas.
But about that last line. I chewed my lower lip about it. The part about “my deam.”
Maybe Sarah Morris was just a lousy typist. But maybe she was truly searching for something, yet was only one letter from finding it. Aren’t all of us sometimes like that?
It was worth one more response. I wrote back, asking her to explain.
I am 30 years old. . . . Because I have a physical handicap, it took me five years to complete my AA degree at Pasadena City College. . . . During the season I average 55 hours a week writing five to seven game reports, one or two editorials, researching and listening and/or watching the games.
Physical handicap. I paused again. I was in no mood to discuss a physical handicap, whatever it was.
I have had these discussions before, discussions often becoming long, teary stories about overcoming obstacles.
Courageous people make me jealous. They make me cry. But at some point, they have also made me numb.
Then I read the part about her working 55 hours a week. Goodness. This woman didn’t only follow the Dodgers, she covered them like a newspaper reporter.
But for whom? Sarah called her Web site “Dodger Place.” I searched for it, and found nothing. I checked all the Dodger search links, and found nothing.
Then I reread her e-mail and discovered an address buried at the bottom: https://members.tripod.com/spunkydodgers.
I clicked there. It wasn’t fancy, rather like a chalkboard, with block letters and big type.
There was a section of “News from a Fan.” Another section of “Views by a Fan.” But she covered the team with the seriousness of a writer.
The stories, while basic, were complete. Sarah’s knowledge was evident.
But still, I wondered, how could anybody find it? Is anybody reading?
Nobody ever signs my guestbook.
Does anybody correspond?
I get one letter a month.
I read the Web site closer and realized that she does indeed receive about one letter a month--always from the same person.
So here was a physically handicapped woman, covering the Dodgers as extensively as any reporter in the country, yet writing for an obscure Web site with an impossible address, with a readership of about two.
That “deam” was missing a lot more than an r, I thought.
The days passed, winter moved toward spring, and I had more questions.
Sarah Morris always had answers.
I started my own Web site in hopes of finding a job, but I have had no luck yet. I have gone to the Commission of Rehabilitation seeking help, but they say I’m too handicapped to be employed. I disagree.
So what if my maximum typing speed is eight words per minute because I use a head pointer to type? My brain works fine. I have dedication to my work. That is what makes people successful.
I don’t know how to look for a job.
A head pointer? I remember seeing one of those on a late-night commercial for a hospital for paralyzed people.
It looked frightening. But her stories didn’t look frightening. They looked, well, normal.
Now I find out she wrote them with her head?
I asked her how long it took her to compose one of her usual 1,200-word filings.
While pondering that the average person can bang out a 1,200-word e-mail in about 30 minutes, I did something I’ve never before done with an Internet stranger.
I asked Sarah Morris to call me.
I wanted to talk about the Dodgers. I wanted to talk about her stories.
But, well, yeah, I mostly wanted to talk about why someone would cover a team off television, typing with her head for an invisible readership.
I have a speech disability making it impossible to use the phone.
That proved it. My first impression obviously had been correct. This was an elaborate hoax.
She didn’t want to talk to me because, of course, she didn’t exist.
I thought to myself, “This is why I never answer all my mail. This is why I will never go near a chat room.”
The Internet has become more about mythology than technology, people inventing outrageous lives to compensate for ordinary realities.
So, I was an unwitting actor in a strange little play. This woman writer was probably a 45-year-old male plumber.
I decided to end the correspondence.
Then I received another e-mail.
The first sentence read, “There are some facts you might want to know . . . “
In words with an inflection that leaped off the screen, Sarah Morris spoke.
My disability is cerebral palsy. . . . It affects motor control. . . . I have excessive movement, meaning when my brain tells my hands to hit a key, I would move my legs, hit the table, and six other keys in the process.
This was only the beginning.
When my mom explained my handicap, she told me I could accomplish anything that I wanted to if I worked three times as hard as other people.
She wrote that she became a Dodger fan while growing up in Pasadena. In her sophomore year at Blair High, a junior varsity baseball coach, Mike Sellers, asked her to be the team statistician. Her special ed teacher discouraged it, but she did it anyway, sitting next to the bleachers with an electric typewriter and a head pointer.
We had a game on a rainy day. The rain fell in the typewriter, making it unusable, so Mom wrote the stats when I told her. I earned two letters that I am proud of still.
She wrote that her involvement in baseball had kept her in school--despite poor grades and hours of neck-straining homework.
Baseball gave me something to work for. . . . I could do something that other kids couldn’t. . . . Baseball saved me from becoming another statistic. That is when I decided I wanted to do something for the sport that has done so much for me.
And about that speech disability?
When I went to nursery school, teachers treated me dumb. This made me mad, but I got over it. I hate the meaning of “dumb” in the phrase “deaf and dumb.” My speech disability is the most frustrating.
OK, so I believed her. Sort of. It still sounded odd.
Who could do something like this? I figured she must be privileged. Who, in her supposed condition, could cover a baseball team without the best equipment and help?
I figured she had an elaborate setup somewhere. I was curious about it. I figured she couldn’t live too far from Pasadena. I would drive over one day and we would chat.
I live in Anderson, Texas. It’s about 75 miles from Houston.
Texas? She didn’t explain. I didn’t ask. But that seemed like a long flight to see a little rich girl bang on an expensive keyboard.
By now, it was spring training, and she was ranting about Gary Sheffield, and I was hanging out in Vero Beach, and I would have forgotten the whole thing.
Except Sarah Morris began sending me her stories. Every day, another story. Game stories, feature stories, some with missing words, others with typographical errors, but all with obvious effort.
Then, fate. The Lakers were involved in a playoff series in San Antonio, I had one free day, and she lived about three hours away.
I wrote her, asking if I could drive over to see her. She agreed, but much too quickly for my suspicious tastes, writing me with detailed directions involving farm roads and streets with no name.
I read the directions and again thought, this was weird. This could be dangerous. I wanted to back out.
Turns out, I wasn’t the only one.
I’m so nervous about tomorrow. I’m nothing special but a woman with disabilities. I don’t know what makes a good journalism story. I don’t know if I am it.
I pulled out of my San Antonio hotel on a warm May morning and drove east across the stark Texas landscape. I followed Sarah’s directions off the interstate and onto a desolate two-lane highway.
The road stretched through miles of scraggly fields, interrupted only by occasional feed stores, small white churches and blinking red lights.
I rolled into the small intersection that is Anderson, then took a right turn, down a narrow crumbling road, high weeds thwacking against the car’s window.
After several miles, I turned down another crumbling road, pulling up in front of a rusted gate, which I had been instructed to open.
Now, on a winding dirt road dotted with potholes the size of small animals, I bounced for nearly a mile past grazing cows. Through the dust, I spotted what looked like a old toolshed.
But it wasn’t a shed. It was a house, a decaying shanty covered by a tin roof and surrounded by weeds and junk.
I slowed and stared. Could this be right?
Then I saw, amid a clump of weeds near the front door, a rusted wheelchair.
P.S. We have dogs.
Do they ever. A couple of creatures with matted hair emerged from some bushes and surrounded the car, scratching and howling.
Finally, an older woman in an old T-shirt and skirt emerged from the front door and shooed the dogs away.
“I’m Sarah’s mother,” said Lois Morris, grabbing my smooth hand with a worn one. “She’s waiting for you inside.”
I walked out of the sunlight, opened a torn screen door, and moved into the shadows, where an 87-pound figure was curled up in a creaky wheelchair.
Her limbs twisted. Her head rolled. We could not hug. We could not even shake hands. She could only stare at me and smile.
But that smile! It cut through the gloom of the cracked wooden floor, the torn couch, the broken, cobwebbed windows.
A clutter of books and boxes filled the small rooms. There was a rabbit living in a cage next to an old refrigerator. From somewhere outside the house, you could hear the squeaking of rats.
Eventually I could bear to look at nothing else, so I stared at that smile, and it was so clear, so certain, it even cut through most of my doubts.
But still, even then, I wondered.
This is Sarah Morris?
She began shaking in her chair, emitting sounds. I thought she was coughing. She was, instead, speaking.
Her mother interpreted. Every sound was a different word or phrase.
“Huh (I) . . . huh-huh (want to show) . . . huh (you) . . . huh (something).”
Her mother rolled her through a path that cut through the piles of junk, up to an old desk on cinder blocks.
On the desk was a computer. Next to it was a TV. Nearby was a Dodger bobble-head doll of uncertain identity.
Her mother fastened a head pointer around her daughter’s temples, its chin-strap stained dark brown from spilled Dr Pepper. Sarah then began carefully leaning over the computer and pecking.
On the monitor appeared the Dodger Place Web site. Sarah used her pointer to call up a story. Peck by peck, she began adding to that story. It was her trademark typeface, her trademark Dodger fan prose, something involving Paul Lo Duca, about whom she later wrote:
” . . . Offensively, Lo Duca has been remarkable. Entering Friday’s game, Lo Duca has batted .382 with five home runs and seventeen RBI. Last Tuesday Jim Tracy moved Lo Duca into the leadoff position. Since then, the Dodgers have won six and lost two. Lo Duca has an on-base percentage of .412. On Memorial Day Lo Duca had six hits, becoming the first Dodger to do so since Willie Davis on May 24, 1973. . . .”
She looked up and giggled. I looked down in wonder--and shame.
This was indeed Sarah Morris. The great Sarah Morris.
She began making more sounds, bouncing in her chair. Lois asked me to sit on a dusty chair. There were some things that needed explaining.
Times photographer Anacleto Rapping, who had been there earlier in the day, and I had been Sarah’s first visitors since she moved here with her mother and younger sister from Pasadena nearly six years ago.
This shack was an inheritance from Sarah’s grandmother. When Sarah’s parents divorced, her mother, with no other prospects, settled here.
The adjustment from life in Southern California to the middle of scrubby field more than 30 miles from the nearest supermarket was painful. Sarah was uprooted from a town of relative tolerance and accessibility to a place of many stares.
The place was so remote, when her mother had once dropped Sarah, helping her out of bed, and called 911, the emergency crew couldn’t find the place.
“But the hardest thing for Sarah was leaving her Dodgers,” Lois said.
So, she didn’t. She used her disability money, and loans, to buy the computer, the television and the satellite dish that allows her to watch or listen to every game.
She doesn’t have any nearby friends, and it’s exhausting to spend the five hours required for shopping trips to the nearest Wal-Mart, so the Dodgers fill the void.
They challenge her on bad days, embrace her on good days, stay awake with her while she covers an extra-inning game at 2 a.m.
She covers so much baseball, she maintains the eerie schedule of a player, rarely awaking before 10 a.m., often eating dinner at midnight.
Through the cluttered house, the path for not only her wheelchair, but for the entire direction of her life, leads from her bedroom to the kitchen to the Dodgers.
The air-conditioning sometimes breaks, turning the house into a steam bath. Lois totaled their aging van last year when she hit a black cow on a starless night, then missed so much work that they barely had enough money for food.
Yet, Sarah spends nine hours, carefully constructing an analysis of Gary Sheffield, or two hours writing about a one-run victory in Colorado.
I asked what her Dodger Web page represented to her.
I asked how she feels when working.
I had contacted Sarah Morris months earlier, looking for a fight. I realized now, watching her strain into the thick air of this dark room to type words that perhaps no other soul will read, that I had found that fight.
Only, it wasn’t with Sarah. It was with myself. It is the same fight the sports world experiences daily in these times of cynicism and conspiracy theories.
The fight to believe. The fight to trust that athletics can still create heroes without rap sheets, virtue without chemicals, nobility with grace.
It is about the battle to return to the days when sports did not detract from life, but added to it, with its awesome power to enlighten and include.
In a place far from such doubt, with a mind filled with wonder, Sarah Morris brought me back.
I had not wanted to walk into those shadows. But two hours later, I did not want to leave.
Yet I did, because there was an airplane waiting, and an NBA playoff series to cover, big things, nonsense things.
Sarah asked her mother to wheel her outside. She was rolled to the edge of the weeds. I grasped one of her trembling hands. She grasped back with her smile.
I climbed into the car and rattled down the dirt road. Through the rear-view mirror, through the rising dust, I could see the back of Sarah Morris’ bobbing head as she was wheeled back to that cinder-blocked desk.
For she, too, had a game to cover.
If you see Karros, please tell him to watch his knees in 1999. He used to bend them more than now.
Sarah sent me that e-mail recently. It was about the same time she’d sent me an e-mail saying she had finally saved enough money to begin attending a college about 45 minutes down the road in pursuit of her “deam.”
I didn’t get a chance to pass along her note to the slumping Karros, but it didn’t matter.
A day later, he had a game-winning hit. The next game, a home run. The game after that, another homer.
If you watched him closely, you could see that he indeed was bending his knees again.
Eight months ago I wouldn’t have believed it, but I could swear each leg formed the shape of an r.
Bill Plaschke can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.