At Least the Freeways Are Helping Keep the Center for Sweaty Palms Going

Driving in Southern California can be a nerve-racking experience. No wonder one traffic report on KNX-AM radio was sponsored by a clinic called the Center for the Cure of Sweaty Palms.

Language! It’s with regret that I bring you a couple of politically incorrect items spotted by readers (see accompanying).

First, Richard Mandel noticed a merchant who may well be picketed by animal-rights advocates.

Second, Victor and Rattanachai (whose last names I have misplaced) saw some directions that should have included a gentler term when referring to panhandlers.

By the way, I have seen, uh, panhandlers, sleeping while asking for money. I recall one fellow who dozed next to a circle he had drawn with chalk on a downtown sidewalk. A nearby sign pointed to the circle and said something like, “Put money here.”

Putting out his hand was, evidently, too much work for him.

At least the worst is almost over: In San Francisco, ex-Pasadenan Donald Koelper spotted a startling marquee that referred to a Japanese private-eye movie, not a dot-com CEO (see photo).

Here’s something in your eye: One Torrance restaurant has a unique method of preparing drinks (see accompanying), though I wouldn’t recommend ordering a rum Coke.

Unclear on the concept: Photographer Henk Friezer overheard a street person in L.A.’s skid row area discussing her fears of anthrax with the driver of a mail truck.

Finally, the woman asked the driver: “Do you have any you can show me? I’ve never seen it.”

At least he didn’t order room service: The Laguna News-Post reports that at the ritzy Surf & Sand Hotel, where rates range from $200 to $350, “a man apparently stayed for free in what was thought to be an empty room. Personal effects and possibly incriminating paraphernalia were found in the room the following morning.

“It appears he may have gained access through an open window. Reported at 11:18 a.m.”

At least he checked out before noon.

Turkeys in the kitchen: The other day I published some tips for cooking turkeys from first-graders, ranging from setting the oven at 40 degrees to stuffing the bird with salad dressing.

Well, some adult males also have some imaginative suggestions.

The media Web site ronfineman.com says that KABC-TV’s John Gregory, surveying guys on the subject, was told by one that the first thing he would do was remove the bones.

Responded Gregory: “You might as well make soup.”

miscelLANy:

Staying in fashion can such be a grind. “My mom was in the parking lot of an Encino McDonald’s,” writes Larry Gilman, “where she observed a woman pour her McDonald’s coffee into a Starbucks coffee cup and then drive away.”

The coffee changer was driving a Lexus.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.