If at First You Don’t Succeed, Keep Karros

You know how the Yankees have made it clear they like to win baseball games, and how serious they are about improving. Now they want to replace their aging first baseman with the best available free agent in the A’s Jason Giambi, so they’ve been actively recruiting him.

Owner George Steinbrenner has spoken publicly about his admiration for Giambi, Manager Joe Torre telephoned him, so did Yogi Berra and New York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani. Roger Clemens used the ESPN microphones to court the guy.

I got to thinking: What if the Dodgers had an aging first baseman, and they wanted someone like Giambi, and set out to recruit him.

Imagine Kevin Brown, looking into the ESPN camera as they ask him about Giambi and saying, “Get that bleepity-bleep mike out of my face, you jerk.”

What do you think the chances are of Mr. Grumpy becoming a team player and trying to entice Giambi by agreeing to share the private plane the Dodgers loan him?

As for Torre and Giuliani, that’s a pretty tough duo to match. Short of faxing a resume and providing sworn affidavits that he’s the manager, it would probably take too long for Jim Tracy to explain to Giambi who he is, and I’m not sure anyone has enough time to explain to Mayor Jim Hahn who Giambi is.

I suppose the Dodgers could have Gary Sheffield call Giambi, and talk about how he wanted to be here, didn’t want to be here, but now wants to be here, but then he might be traded there before Giambi signs there.

Better yet, the Dodgers could have Chad Kreuter call Giambi, now that it appears as if Chan Ho Park won’t be returning, and Kreuter could offer to carry his bags and fetch his bat and bubble gum for him. Tom Goodwin and Marquis Grissom could telephone too, and promise to stay out of his way on the base paths.

Derrick Hall, the Dodgers’ VP of propaganda, of course, does all the public speaking for Bob Daly, the Movie Guy who runs the team, so when it comes to Giambi weighing what Steinbrenner and Hall have to say, it’s probably going to be important for the Dodgers to come up with something big to offset Berra’s influence.

I’d suggest Tom Lasorda--Giambi would never get off the phone with the guy, thereby keeping him from signing with the Yankees. Or I’d have Steve Garvey talk to him about the availability of women in L.A. while playing for the Dodgers--that’s big.

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THE DODGERS don’t need Giambi, of course, because they have Eric Karros. And the Angels don’t need Giambi because they have Mo Vaughn.

I’ll pause here for a moment to allow the laughter to subside.

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THERE’S NO telling what the Dodgers are going to do because they have a new general manager in Dan Evans, who is best known in baseball circles for not returning telephone calls. For all we know, Giambi called the Dodgers weeks ago.

So far, Evans’ Dodger resume makes you wonder why he has chosen professional baseball for a career. He traded for Mike Trombley, Terry Mulholland and James Baldwin to help down the stretch--with the trio going 4-11. He also acquired Omar Daal, 17-26 over the last two seasons, making it obvious Evans has a real soft spot for losers, which means he should get along just super with Darren Dreifort.

As you might have noticed, the Dodgers haven’t made any other moves--if you don’t count raising ticket prices. I’d have Garvey showing Johnny Damon all around town. I’ve been told, however, the Dodgers were counting on contraction and picking up players in a dispersal draft. Now it appears contraction will be put on hold--I sure hope the Dodgers have a backup plan.

I’d hate to see them overmatched if playing the Yankees in the World Series.

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THERE HAS been quite a hullabaloo in San Diego surrounding Charger Coach Mike Riley and the San Diego Union-Tribune’s contention that he’s the No. 1 pick to become San Diego State’s coach a year after being pursued by USC and Alabama.

This tells me people think Riley’s a really good coach, which means the Chargers must have really crummy players because they’re only 14-29 under his brilliant direction.

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IN THE Nov. 26 cover story in the Sporting News on Jon Gruden, the well-written Dan Pompei article suggests Gruden awakens each day to the sound of his childhood alarm clock playing the Notre Dame Victory March.

I e-mailed Bruce Allen, the Raiders’ GM, to verify this and wish him well in his search for a head coach when Gruden replaces Bob Davie at Notre Dame, and Allen replied: “Gruden sleeps at the office more than home and the alarms here all play the same thing: ‘Autumn Wind.”’

No wonder the Raiders always seem so cranky.

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UTAH COULDN’T beat Air Force, which had suspended 12 players, including five starters. Utah doesn’t get a break--next is USC, a school on NCAA probation.

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KING COACH Andy Murray is going to be the guest on The SIMERS Show on Fox tonight. There go the ratings.

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THE LAKERS still don’t seem interested in going after the Bulls’ NBA mark of 72 wins--especially after someone reminded Phil Jackson that would make him coach of the Western Conference all-stars if L.A. keeps winning at its present pace.

I wouldn’t be surprised if Jackson asks Steve Lavin to coach a few games for him just so the Lakers don’t pull too far ahead of Sacramento.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in an e-mail from George:

“It is not acceptable for UCLA to lose to Ball State and Pepperdine back-to-back. What a disgrace. And how depressing. I’ve been depressed for 24 hours.”

I’m guessing you never got over Bambi’s demise.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com