Who Can Rain on 3rd Parade?

Stop the season, I want off: Hopefully, you saw the first half of last week’s eagerly awaited test of the titans of the East and West.

The brash, little Bucks from Milwaukee ran up a 15-point second-quarter lead, dropping three-point shots like layups.

Of course, then the great big Lakers got angry and stepped on them, going on a 78-44 run that lasted the rest of the game.

So much for your early-season drama.

Buck Coach George Karl, one of the NBA’s authentic defensive innovators, was giddy with anticipation beforehand, getting set to zone off Shaquille O’Neal. When someone asked why anyone ever plays Shaq man-to-man, as all opponents had, Karl blithely informed the press of his plans too.

“I actually said that to my staff,” he said. “In watching film, I didn’t see a lot of guys play zone against them. ... We’re going to throw some out there tonight. Ask me afterward, maybe I’ll have better answers.”

Afterward, a crestfallen Karl, having watched the boom lowered on his hopes and players, acknowledged they might have been just a tad over their heads.

“I mean,” Karl said of the Lakers, “their run is an incredible run, 40-2 over the last forty-some games [38-2, actually, from April 1 last season through Saturday night’s game].

“Think about that. That’s pretty impressive.”

His Bucks then went on to lose at Phoenix, where they trailed by 30, and Portland, where they were down 19, proving they still need work, or a complete transformation, before June.

The Lakers are the glamorous big-market powerhouse the NBA needs, leaving just one teeny, weeny thing missing ... someone to stand up to them. This results in a season that lacks a little something ... like a reason to go on.

The East is even worse than it was. Grant Hill has problems and Alonzo Mourning may have to pack it in. The top centers are in the West and, now that Elton Brand is here, the top power forwards too. The East looks like the old CBA; there are players there but few big ones.

Nor have the new rules had much impact. Most NBA coaches aren’t X-and-O geniuses after years of running standard plays against a rule-governed defense and a 24-second clock, and haven’t yet figured out how to use zones.

Let’s see: The Michael Jordan hype is over, except for his two network TV appearances a week ... no credible challenger ... What’s left to hold our interest?

For Laker opponents, there’s only hope and the five months that remain before the playoffs, plenty of time for that “something” that always happens to happen.

In the meantime, it would be best not to upset the Lakers.

“I don’t see a lot of teams beating the Lakers,” the Bucks’ Ray Allen said. “The Lakers are going to get beat when they’re not playing their best basketball.

“But when they play, the guys off the bench come in and do their job

The scary thing is the Lakers were 12-1 before Rick Fox started making shots, before Mitch Richmond started to make a dent and Samaki Walker started playing, with everyone simply riding O’Neal and Kobe Bryant.

That turned around last week, so what does the rest of the league do now?

In 2000, the Lakers won a title with creaky Ron Harper and A.C. Green starting and O’Neal averaging a career-high 40 minutes because Coach Phil Jackson was loath to use John Salley, who’d been retired for two seasons.

They made it exciting in the 2000 Western finals and the 2000-2001 regular season too, but now Shaq and Kobe are finally united and they have help.

Not that it’s impossible, but this time around, it’s going to be a lot harder to mess up.

Faces And Figures

Utah Jazz owner Larry Miller told ESPN.com that, despite the torrent of speculation, Karl Malone isn’t going anywhere, but added: “Ten or 15 games from now, [if] we are still of a similar record percentage-wise, I think I just have to say it [the end of their run] is here.” ... There’s still no reason to believe Miller would trade Malone to Dallas, the dream shared by the Mailman, who’d be closer to his Louisiana home, and Maverick owner Mark Cuban, who’s hyper to the point of delusional. The penny-pinching Miller would have to take back Juwan Howard, who makes $38million this season and next, hasn’t even been starting and isn’t much better than Utah’s Donyell Marshall.

Knick Coach Jeff Van Gundy, denied permission to interview with the Trail Blazers last summer (lucky him), now senses he’s on his way out of New York. “I never thought I’d retire after 30 years as head coach of the Knicks,” he told the News-Journal in Westchester County. “I knew at some point there would be a change.” Said an unnamed Van Gundy associate: “Jeff knows this is his last season with the Knicks. He’s just going to work his butt off until they come to get him.” Top contenders for Van Gundy could be Portland, replacing overmatched (who wouldn’t be?) Maurice Cheeks, or Miami, replacing Van Gundy’s ready-to-move-up-or-out mentor, Pat Riley.

Despite new Louisville Coach Rick Pitino’s campaign to keep his new city NBA-free, it’s now the leader in the Charlotte Hornets’ relocation derby. Says Denver Coach Dan Issel, the former University of Kentucky and Kentucky Colonel star who’s still connected there: “I know that there are some things in place that if Louisville comes up with what they say they can come up with, if they in fact come up with an arena and the corporate sponsorship from Tricon, then Charlotte will come.” ... If either front-runner, Jamaal Tinsley of Indiana (No. 27) or Tony Parker of San Antonio (No. 28), is rookie of the year, he’ll be the lowest draft pick to win it since No. 60 Woody Sauldsberry of the Philadelphia Warriors in 1958. ... Cleveland Cavalier Coach John Lucas on Parker: “He’s the first point guard that I’ve seen since about ’86 that has the knack. There’s something out there in the stratosphere that’s the knack and he has it. He makes the pass that leads to the pass that is the assist. I saw him play this summer and I just knew.”

Seattle Coach Nate McMillan on the Lakers, before they routed his team, on its own floor, without O’Neal for most of the game: “It looks like these guys are on cruise control. It looks like they can turn it on at any time. They’ll just wait until the important part of the season. These guys are that good.” ... Van Gundy, after the Knicks won three in a row to go 8-8: “We’re right back where we started the season at, but we’re the Knicks--I ain’t celebrating .500.”