A Bit of Dubious Wit and Wisdom

For the first time in 40 years, Esquire’s Dubious Achievement Awards won’t bring in the new year.

The awards, inaugurated in 1962, poked fun at politicos, celebs and weird folks around the globe. Editor David Granger has said that although the magazine may not abandon the awards entirely, they had gotten “a little bit nasty” in recent years.

Replacing the honors are a series of “What I’ve Learned” pieces that feature quotes from notables about topics ranging from sex to voting. Some of the thoughts are as amusing as the awards used to be:

Chuck Berry: “I’ve always liked words. I even like some words that aren’t in the dictionary.”

John Kenneth Galbraith: “Giving an opinion that people don’t want to hear can work both ways. If it’s a person you like, it can be very hard. If it’s a person for whom you have a major distaste, it can be extremely enjoyable.”

Loretta Lynn: “I liked Michael Jackson better dark. And I liked his nose a lot better, too. If he has any more taken off, I don’t know how he’s gonna breathe.”

Jeff Bezos, founder of Ama- zon.com: “A Third World jail would not have a chance against my wife.”

Larry King: “I love bums. Bums in New York are literate bums. Bums in New York could run a grocery chain in Des Moines.”

Ike Turner: “I call some people Radio Shacks--if you got questions, we got answers. They got answers for every [expletive deleted] thing.”

Barbara Walters (speaking of Gilda Radner’s “Baba Wawa” spoof): “I now pronounce my Rs much better than I did then.”

Homer Simpson: “The office is no place for off-color remarks. ... That’s why I never go there.”

Yogi Berra: “My wife, she calls me Yogi. If she calls me Lawrence, I know she’s mad at me.”

Carrie Fisher: “All the good people are nuts.”