Well, at Least Bus Driver Was Well-Informed Before Starting the Workday

In today’s edition of stupid driver tricks, Ted Kastenbaum of Commerce relates that he was walking his dog when he saw an MTA bus picking up passengers. Once the passengers were on board, though, the driver did not pull out. This, Kastenbaum observed, was because the driver was busy reading a newspaper that was balanced on the steering wheel.

“She turned the page and kept reading,” Kastenbaum said. “Then when the bus did start to move I noticed she still had the newspaper on the steering wheel as she drove away.”

Dealing with Miss Daisy: Kastenbaum said his dog, Daisy Mae, enjoys walking near bus stops “because she likes to bark at the passengers.”

One day, he said, after Daisy Mae sounded off at another bus, the driver “looked at us and barked back.”

At last somebody takes a stand: Fran Menudier of Pacific Palisades alerted me to a Tryon, N.C., theater (see photo) that must have had a surplus of teen movies.

Time-tripping: The Holy Land, it is said, has a timeless quality. Well, Elliott Adelman of Montebello pointed out it does seem to be on a time schedule of its own, judging from one travel ad (see accompanying).

Boo! UC Riverside is holding a contest to find words for a new fight song, but for some reason the school has stifled lyricists by requiring them to include the boring UCR cheer:

U-C, U-C-R all hail the brave, the blue and gold.

Compare that with the chant for Caltech’s teams:

Secant, cosine, tangent, sine,

Logarithm, logarithm, hyperbolic sine.

3-point-1-4-1-5-9,

Slipstick, slide rule,

TECH! TECH! TECH!

Now, really, which is more exciting?

Lowland fling: I noticed also that UC Riverside’s athletic teams are called the Highlanders. Peculiar when you consider that Riverside’s altitude is 858 feet.

Then again, speaking of names, the river that passes through Riverside--the Santa Ana--has about a teaspoonful of water.

Torturing telemarketers: Barry Cook writes that a solicitor phoned his office and asked his colleague John for information about their copier machine.

“Sure, just hold on a minute,” said John.

The caller was put on hold for about two minutes.

Then Cook picked up the phone. “Have you been helped?” he asked.

“John’s helping me, thank you,” the solicitor said.

“But John went across the street to the public library,” Cook said.

“The library?” the stunned solicitor asked, adding that he’d only wanted some information about their copier.

“That’s probably why he went to the library,” Cook said. “We use their copier.”

miscelLAny:

In San Diego, Mary-Ellen Drummond found the place to go if you’re looking for some cold cash (see photo).

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083, and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012.