Getting His Kicks at Gramatica’s Expense

Dave Whitley in the Orlando Sentinel: “It’s not nice to kick a kicker when he’s down. So we will try not to laugh uncontrollably at Bill Gramatica. It’s just that poetic justice has rarely been so funny.

“The Arizona Cardinals’ kicker hyperextended his knee Saturday during one of those jumping, arm-flapping, Russian-judge-scores-a-perfect-10 celebrations only the Gramatica brothers do with such style and panache.

“We sincerely hope Bill is all right. We also hope his Buccaneer brother Martin and the other showboats remember ‘Wounded Knee.”’

Bill Gramatica tore ligaments and cartilage and will miss the rest of the season.

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Trivia time: Who holds the NFL record for punt returns in a game?

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Dream on: Scott Ostler in the San Francisco Chronicle: “I can fix the current college football debacle. Everything will be fine if the Nebraska team captain makes this announcement: ‘The players met and we voted unanimously to reject the Rose Bowl bid. We respect the [bowl championship series] system, in theory, but we recognize that a terrible mistake has been made.

“‘We came to college hoping to learn not just about football, but also about ethics, honor, logic and math. We’re good, but we simply don’t belong in a national championship game.”’

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Is Scottie laughing? Sam Smith in the Chicago Tribune: “The graduate: There’s a joke in there somewhere as Scottie Pippen, who has missed 10 of Portland’s last 22 games with a sore knee, missed Saturday’s game so he could receive a bachelor of science degree in kinesiology [a form of physical therapy that focuses on muscles] from Central Arkansas.”

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Will it ever stop? Gene Frenette in the Florida Times-Union of Jacksonville: “George O’Leary has given new meaning to the opening words of the Georgia Tech fight song: ‘I’m a rambling wreck from Georgia Tech and a hell of an engineer.”’

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War zone: Jacksonville Jaguar receiver Jimmy Smith, commenting to the Akron Beacon Journal on the bottle-throwing near riot after Sunday’s game at Cleveland: “We were trying to dodge as many beer bottles as we could. I felt like I was starring in ‘Saving Private Ryan.”’

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Must-see TV: In a bid to deter jailbreaks during the 2002 World Cup, Thai prisons will allow inmates to watch the games on television, officials said.

Thailand also has decided to let prisoners own radios and audio tape players.

Prisoners will be allowed to watch videotaped Cup games only because officials fear live telecasts would stir gambling.

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Bragging rights: Norma Menoher, 64, had two holes in one Friday morning at Heritage Palms Golf & Country Club in Fort Myers, Fla. “That makes five holes in one I’ve had,” said Menoher, a 12-handicap player who shot a 77.

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Trivia answer: Eddie Brown of Washington, 11, against Tampa Bay on Oct. 9, 1977.

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And finally: Golfer Mark Calcavecchia on his outlook:

“I’m the happiest guy in the world 19 hours a day. It’s the five hours I’m out on this golf course when I’m miserable. But that’s not bad when you’re happy 80% of the day.”